Tuesday musings: Financial stress and poop lotion

At four AM today, I rolled over to see Ellis staring intently at me with his newly acquired "crazy three-year old eyes".  Actually, his eyeballs vacillate between crazy and rage-filled depending on the millisecond. People told me that three is harder than two. We are four whole days into it, and I can say with certainty that those bastards were right (as I shake my fists at the sky).

After getting our little dictator his cup of milk, I laid in bed for an hour thinking about money. It's the crappiest topic ever. Well, not ever, but it still sucks. My thoughts went something like this: IRAs, 403Bs, 401Ks, 529s, SOL.

Then I got a call this morning that the escrow payments on our house and condo went up and I freaked out.  I immediately felt guilty for my reaction because I am fortunate enough to own property... until we go into foreclosure because Cook County wants me to pay ten zillion dollars in taxes. Good thing we have awesome schools and smooth streets to show for all this money being shelled out.

Next up, I paid my mom's taxes (she is on disability and has a small pension) and realized we owed this year because I wasn't forceful enough with her doctor to get the proper forms in to her pension provider in 2011.  As a result, her pension people held over monies owed until 2012...thus upping her annual income (again, fists-->sky).

I really hope we opt for tacos tonight.

Last week, I went upstairs and found EK in the bathroom. Naked. Covered in poop. Like imagine lotion on your legs, but it's poop. I would say it was a close second to me realizing my mom's taxes screw up but worse than the escrow issue. Why? Because like Ho-Ho's taxes, I should have been monitoring my kid; these two mistakes were totally in my control and I let them happen. And poop washes off, $1000 is $1000.

I have decided to stop watering the flowers in our yard AND weeding until 2014.

My friends had a baby yesterday. His name is Carter and he looks like a sweet little human being. I think they deserve a pat on the back for that little accomplishment. Ellis came out with a cone on the side of his head and contrary to our belief that he "just had good color", was jaundiced.

My mom called three times today. I am pretty sure she has consumed an entire box of Sudaphed in three days. You think I am joking, I am not. Her strategy with OTCs is if it doesn't seem to be working, take more. And don't listen to your body to see if medicine is working, just take more.

Seriously, I think tacos would be delicious.


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    Annie Swingen

    Chicago-based hyperbole enthusiast. Mom to a kid and sometimes my mom. Overboard (1987) obsessed weirdo. I like the funnies in life.

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