Thursday Night Nonsense: Toddler Games, Ritalin and Canada

It's nine o'clock on a Thursday! That means I am getting crazy in bed. And it's kind of awesome.

Heads up - the following is a bunch of nonsense.

EK is moaning from his bed: "My feet aren't tight enough. My feet need to be tucked in tighter." Tough love, friends, tough love. We were on a roll for the past three days;  I thought maybe we had a turned a corner or perhaps it's just easier when one parent is gone. And then BOOM, Thursday happened (his first day not going to school), and I am back to square one which is pretty much the shittiest one on the board. Plus he spent the morning with a playdate so we have spent approximately seven hours together today! Oh well, at least he is consistent with his ornery behavior. And I am consistent with my unsympathetic responses.

While EK was wreaking havoc with his bestie, I purchased 32 clamshells of strawberries, 32 " blueberries, three blackberries and one thing of fancy-schmancy organic grapes for...wait for it...$7.00.  Yes there were some funky fruits mixed in there, but Stanley's came through once again. My neighbors look at me like I am a crazy person because I drive three miles south for fruit (20 minute drive), but they didn't turn away some berries of the straw variety this very evening.  What.

I also took advantage of the "drop and ditch" playdate this AM to go out to Ho-Ho's. By my calculations, she finagled 60 mgs of Ritalin yesterday vs her normal 30. Needless to say, the lady was BUZZING. I also found out she was back to her sneaky "taking 10 Imodiums/day" ways.  She makes it so easy. So,  I put a stop to that and  bought myself some Taco Bell (bean burrito no onions) because it's pretty much the best reward food on the face of the planet. Don't lie, you love it.

And no, I made no headway on getting her enrolled in Medicaid or finding a caseworker.

I told our contractor we were (I am) considering a road trip through the Balkans. He raised an eyebrow and said, "Good luck." Whatever. Then I gave him some strawberries.

Yesterday I saw a vanity plate that read, "MY AUTO". I thought, hmm, obvious BUT accurate. How much did the driver pay for such an item?" The answer, friends, is, $123. I also found a fun app on the Sec. of State's website to check out available vanity plates. Ready? You can order: bitchez, tacos1, poprock, Iowa 12, Google 4, Iphone 2 (REALLY?????), Belch.

Crude? Yes! But for 123 bones it's yours! Order here.

You can even preview the layout before you order! Click on the photo to check out your own vanity plate ideas.

You can even preview the layout before you order! Click on the photo to check out your own vanity plate ideas.

Sometimes I wish was British so I could sound so fancy. Although I suppose I wouldn't know I sounded fancy, and I would want to be an American so I can make fun of Canada.

If you made it this far, can you please do me a solid and click on this link and share it? It's Babble's Top 100 Bloggers poll and while I don't deserve to be on it, it's fun to try.  Thanks!
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    Annie Swingen

    Chicago-based hyperbole enthusiast. Mom to a kid and sometimes my mom. Overboard (1987) obsessed weirdo. I like the funnies in life.

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