Yesterday I hung out with my topless mom and other random musings

Friday random musings.

1. I wish I was a writer for the League. Really, I wish I was friends with writers from the League. Why? Because I want to hang out with the cast (yes, I know they ad lib) to overhear whatever conversations lead to gems like these:

- If Sofia and I split up, 50% of my time, I would have to spend 100% of my time with my kid. Right now, I'm rocking, like, 50% coverage, 30% of my time. You cannot beat those numbers

- Don't invite me to join LinkedIn. It just reeks of dudes with cellphone holsters

- I don't blog about everything. I blog about magic, and sometimes Don Henley

- Tell her that cinnamon only exists in spice racks and strip clubs

- Diamonds aren't forever, but forever stamps are...I am sitting on thousands of pennies right now

- [to a techno beat] Corn dog, corn dog, corn dog

- I'm on aspartame, sucralose and hairspray

- I use to do zumba at the Y

2. Yesterday I visited Ho-Ho to celebrate Mother's Day. What did this include?

- seeing her naked breasts eight times as she tried on new clothes. EIGHT TIMES. Why wear a bra when you are size DDDDDDD? (I can say this because she laughs about it and, well, we share genes so you can make fun of me too).

- watching her get smooched on the lips by Wesley, the maintenance man. Multiple times. Then she giggled. I employed the old "switch to the cheek" at the last minute but Wes is quite the speedy kisser.

- finding a library book in the garbage. When I inquired about the coffee-soaked book she informed me, "It's crap!".

- lunch. It took 12 hours to walk two blocks with these two.

 

Jokers.

Jokers.

3. Ellis' toe nipple is no longer nipple-like. This doesn't prevent him from telling EVERYONE HE MEETS about said non-mammary bump.

4. Yes, my mind still wanders to the word, "taco", when I have nothing else to think about.

5.  I may or may not have thrown a crusty old goldfish in a lady's car window...on the highway. Don't worry, we were driving really slowly. I am pretty sure that my life insurance policy will be put to good use at some point or another.

6.  EK informed me that kidnapping means: Getting scooped up by someone...with a net. And then you are put in water. I didn't object to this definition.

7. Taco.

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Filed under: observations, random

Tags: ardie ho-ho, EK, humor, random

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    Annie Swingen

    Chicago-based hyperbole enthusiast. Mom to a kid and sometimes my mom. Overboard (1987) obsessed weirdo. I like the funnies in life.

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