These are a few of my least favorite things

I like to bitch. A lot. Like a lot, a lot. And I lurve lists. Below are some current irritants in my very mundane life.

  1. People reading teleprompters. I mean, I can’t even read aloud to my kid without stumbling over the word “a”, but I judge TV people when I see their eyeballs moving back and forth. Can’t you memorize your touchy-feely PSA?
  2. Mr. Swirley. Look, he is a good guy. I like him. But holy crap, when he leaves town for a week it’s like he is hell-bent on destroying the house before he goes. This morning I awoke to nearly all of the contents of the bathroom cabinets flung about the room.

    Ok. It's not that bad. But still, what the hell?

    Ok. It's not that bad. But still, what the hell?

  3. My mom, aka Ardie Ho-Ho. She went through six rolls of toilet paper in less than 48 hours and called me demanding that I hand-deliver 45 more rolls to cover her for the next three days. She also wanted to let me know that someone had stolen (they hadn't) all of her prescriptions and asked that I drive her to a button store (???) on the south side.
  4. Potty-training. Don’t we pay someone to do this? EK already loves his teachers more than us; shouldn't they just act like parents when it comes to this stuff? However, I am clearly unwilling to shell out one additional dollar for such a miracle.
  5. We have one cell phone charger for two phones. And it’s always upstairs. Do you think I can manage to walk up ten stairs and get it during the day? Nope. I just let the phone die and wait until bedtime to charge that sucker. That, friends, is why you never receive a return phone call.
  6. My pants. I am pretty sure I have put a few lbs on which led to significant chaffing. Sig.nif.i.cant.
  7. My kid grew. Yea, I know I am supposed to be happy since he is in the -5000 percentile, but I was really hoping his pants would fit him until he was about 19. Or summer and then he can wear them as manpris (kidpris?).
  8. Pajamagrams' hoodie footie. I imagine some two-year-old in a Chinese factory working 29 hours a day to make sure you have 12 color options for a stupid sock/pant/jacket/hood/glove combo. Also the ad features a 'jam-clad 45-year-old laying on the bed  acting like a teen girl. That in itself is reason to not buy this gross sweatsack.

creeptastic source:

9.  Kesha. I refuse to use a $ when spelling her stupid-ass name.


So I don't come off as a total whiner, I will share with you a few things that I love (aside from complaining).

1. The movie Overboard. Get used to it because you are going to hear a lot about this EXCEPTIONAL film. Especially here, here, and here. Worry not! There is still more to write and I will happily take on this challenge.

2. A strong desire to travel to Central Asia.

3.  Tacos.

4. Cold War spy biographies.

5. Neighborhood activism/shenanigans. The crazier, the better (but not scary. I am not into anyone or their property getting hurt. Well, a brick through a window might send a message?).

6. Mink capes.

7. It's Mr. Swirley's birthday! We made this for him, but don't feel obligated to watch. I also called and asked that a cupcake or some other tasty treat be delivered to his room so he could celebrate with us in spirit. However, the British desk clerk and I  didn't seem to understand each other, and as a result, I might have sent a lady of the of the night straight to his boudoir. Oh well, it's on the company dime.

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    Annie Swingen

    Chicago-based hyperbole enthusiast. Mom to a kid and sometimes my mom. Overboard (1987) obsessed weirdo. I like the funnies in life.

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