Sandwich Generation Stories: Uniforms and Panties

Lately I can’t seem to maintain focus on anything. There exists no excuse like a newborn, or an insanely busy job. In fact,  I work from home three days per week and spend the other two hanging out with my kid and thinking about all the prescriptions I need to fill for my mom. It... Read more »

Stayton the Obvious: Questions about the Overboard remake

Dear Eugenio, Is it too forward to call you Eugenio? Mr. D? Dean? Anyway, I’ve been thinking about your new project over the past few weeks? What project, you ask? The Overboard reboot, obviously. You’ve taken on quite a responsibility and I admire your gusto. As a rabid passionate fan of the original, I have... Read more »

My kid is heading to kindergarten and I’m feeling all the feels

Well, it’s happened. Like every other kid, mine has gone ahead and grown up. I mean, he isn’t sprouting a dirty ‘stache or anything, but he’s old enough to head off to school. And with this realization comes a whole lot of freak outs on mom’s part. Let’s run through a list of these (sometimes unreasonable)... Read more »
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30 movies turning 30 in 2015

<a href="http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0089218/">Goonies</a>. Chunk and the gang are <a href="http://www.thegoondocks.org/30th-anniversary-2015.html">together right now</a> in Astoria, OR doing the truffle shuffle celebrating 30 years of awesomeness. This film defined many a childhood and is quoted on the daily around here.
It’s 3:37 AM on Wednesday morning. I could blame my insomnia on anticipation of today’s arrival of FIVE houseguests; they won’t notice the “hair carpet” in the bathroom, right? Or our wedding anniversary (I FINALLY REMEMBERED!!!!) Alas, nope and nope. Instead, I think I’m just turning into an old biddy. You know what else makes... Read more »

8 reasons why my husband may never let me plan another vacation

Well, we made it back from our Balkans road trip with a bag of souvenirs and a case of campylobacter. If you aren’t familiar with the latter, consider yourself lucky. However, this got me thinking that maybe, just maybe, I shouldn’t be in charge of planning our vacations. Why?  I’ll give you eight reasons. 1. I... Read more »

Remembering Mom: A Cooperative Project

Last week someone asked me to describe my mom before she got sick. However, try as I might, I only have a handful of memories of her before everything went to Hell in a handbasket. Of course, this isn’t some sort of pity party. Well, maybe it is a little…but mostly for her. Honestly, I... Read more »
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8 reasons why I am going to lose my sh!t today

Let’s just jump in, shall we? 1. My mom lost her dental plate. Again. Nerds Smartypants of the world, can you PLEASE, for the love of sweet baby Jesus, invent a bluetooth or homing device for dentures/plates/whathaveyou? These things cost more than the valued place on a Duggar’s v-card. 2. The battery backup for our... Read more »

Dear Chicago Public Schools: Applying to kindergarten shouldn't make me cry

The application process to enter Chicago Public School (CPS) kindergarten classes continues to wreak havoc on my simple brain. Let me break it down for you. 1. First, I complained about the backwardness of  CPS’ application process. 2. Next, I proved myself to be a GIANT HYPOCRITE by  participating in said system (i.e., applied to... Read more »

Stream these 5 hilarious comedies while feeding your new baby

My friends Dave and Sio just popped out a fresh-baked baby. She’s sweet and sleepy and loves to eat. A lot. Sometimes I forget about the time spent pumping,nursing and bottle feeding. Or pretending to pump/nurse but really just needing a break. And then I meet a new baby and it all comes rushing back.... Read more »
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Caregiving Chronicles: Medicare might give up on mom, but we certainly won't

Guess who’s going to rehab!?!? No, not your favorite celebrity starlet. Well, maybe.  But I’m talking about none other than my mom, Ardie Ho-Ho. Get excited, G-dammit! Since January, Ho-Ho hasn’t walked much. We sherpa’d her to the bathroom enough times to realize that her MS was being a real bitch. Although she was hospitalized... Read more »
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    Annie Swingen

    Chicago-based hyperbole enthusiast. Mom to a kid and sometimes my mom. Overboard (1987) obsessed weirdo. I like the funnies in life.

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