Casting is not for the faint of heart. Through the terror and heartache you must find strength you never knew possible. It gets both easy and harder with time. Yesterday I caught William watching YouTube on the iPad. I said what are you watching? He said swimming. There he was laughing with the kids on his iPad as they jump in pools, giggling and splashing. Tears stream down both of my cheeks as I utter hallow apologies. William inquired "Why tears Mommy?" I said I am sorry you can't swim. William in true William fashion, replies "I can swim when we go on vacation & when we go back to the hotel for my new cast."
I was reminded in the simple exchange, I was projecting my sorrow, my guilt on William. Fortunately for me, he is strong and accepting. I can't drag my insecurity and force it to be his reality. To do him the greatest service I need to show empathy and strength. Casting is indeed a labor of love. I love him enough to know this is best, I love him enough to keep my fears to myself, I love him enough to embrace his amazing spirit, I love him enough to not allow the set backs to define the journey, I love him enough to find hope to go one more cast even when one more cast may mean ten more casts, I love him enough to cling to hope when I fear hope is lost.
The journey through casting is one day at a time, one cast at a time. Even when the negative seems to outweigh the positive and you find yourself focusing on the reasons this is horrible, allow yourself to step back from the process. Stepping back you may allow yourself to see past the bouncing red balls that distract your from the long term goal, a life without casting. We as parents get caught up with the little things: for me it's the normalcy, the rash and skin irritation of summer, the lack of water play, the discomfort & clumsy. When I step back I can see William doesn't focus on these. He knows no other normal...time out of cast and in a pool is vacation to him. In his mind we get vacation every 12 weeks. Rash, well Ethan had bumps too, nope Ethan isn't in cast but he still gets a rash. Movies, Bookstore, Story time, playdates with friends are all things he enjoys. He doesn't obsess over the fact we are forced indoors in the summer well because he focuses on the bike rides and camping we get in the fall. There are aspects of casting that will drag us down, those are the moments we need to step back and let go and give it to a higher power. We can't change the situation we are in, it won't make their spines snap in alignment because we hate the process. We can however control how we feel. I will still have the moments where I cry over William watching swimming but I will pull from his strength and pull myself back to his world. I love him enough to live in his world and not allow my world to tarnish his rose colored glasses!
Until Next Time, Keep it CuRvY~
Filed under: Uncategorized