There are days where being a mom is the best job in the world and days where I simply want to run away. The past couple of weeks I have to say I have had less than stellar moments in mommyland. I love my little villains but have found myself turning into a wretched version of myself. Yesterday as I was driving down the road and had heard the TV in the back of the van open and close for the umpteenth time (flip, flip, flip, flip, flip) I yelled stop! You are making me want to punch you in the face. The TV in the van has been on the fritz for several weeks. Opening and closing it non-stop will not make it suddenly work! A day without my van may be exactly what I need in light of my recent breakdown.
It is the little things that seem to be setting me off. The living room in my house stays clean for no more than 30 minutes at a time. Dishes seem to migrate to every room in my home, laundry is never in the designated laundry spot and wrappers are the last thing that ever make it to the trash. I would like to think I would be a clean person if it weren't for my kids. In my dreams when I close my eyes I have a beautiful home, one that I am proud to have people stop by unannounced. Reality wakes me up and I panic when I realize I invited family over and have only a few short days to get this place presentable and there is no way in this world or the next it will ever stay that way.
William wanted to cuddle last night. It is a rare wonder to get a 3 year old to hold still long enough to snuggle. He perched on my side like a cat and kept saying we are cuddling mom. As his cast dug into my hip and I started to get aggravated with him for hurting me, it dawned on me, I really am losing it. I am the luckiest girl in the world and all I can think about is how bad this cast hurts. I convinced him to snuggle beside me instead of on me and enjoyed the moment we shared.
One day, granted many years from now, they will be gone. My house will have new flooring and a clean kitchen. We will be all alone and wishing the door would open while we are using the potty and laundry was every where but where it should be. The cast will be a thing of the past and I will probably have a sensible car instead of a mommyvan with a TV opening and closing. Our bank accounts will always be in the positive and we will not stress about paying for vacation but rather worry if our children will be willing to take the time to vacation with us.
This reflection and post were made possible by a day at Grandmas. The fabulous lady I drove to the edge of sanity and back 30+ years ago, came to my rescue today when she volunteered to take William so I could get something accomplished. Being a super mom is not always about how much you can accomplish in a day, sometimes it is about waving the white flag and admitting defeat. Happy Early Mother's Day to all the fabulous moms! A special thank you to my very own life raft...I love you Mom!