For the record, I didn't want to be this honest and vulnerable up front. Or for that matter make you tolerate my left-field musings. But even more so, I didn't want this topic to leap to the top, but here we are.
Of all the guys I've committed to, dated or been physical with, the first one to get married just did so last weekend. This wasn't someone I had particular feelings for or saw a future with, but I couldn't help but feel weird. Maybe because it was so sudden, and I had known this guy intimately half a year ago. Maybe it was the realization that we're at an age where we need to stop dicking around. But what I couldn't fight feeling was that this was somehow a barometer for my love life.
At this age, we're expected to reach a point where we date smart, settle down and find someone to call ours for good. As a woman, it's worse. We have biological expiration dates and societal expectations that despite how progressive things have become, still ulitmately rain supreme.
So when I heard of this whirlwind wedding, it was hard not to feel unglued, competitive. Scary, partially for how fast things can, and maybe will, happen. And unnerving in the sense of how quickly things change.
This is hard to communicate, but I hope some of you can relate. It's hard watching people from your past move on when you're not. Even those that weren't so instumental in our lives. It tends to beg the question of what am I doing wrong? Should I be at the same stage in my life? I share this with the reality that many relationships and marriages don't last, but I think we all feel competitive and measure against one another. And that's what is at the core of what's bothering me.
In our 20s, it's hard not to feel lost in comparison to others. Some are family-oriented, others career-minded, and who is to say who's right? All you can really do is focus on what makes you happy right now, and I'm confident the rest will follow.
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