I am a helpless romantic that falls in love with the idea of falling and being in love. I must admit that I do have extremely high standards and most of the men I date are considered to be at the top of the food chain within the African American community. Now me admitting that will surely “piss” someone off. If it did, do not continue reading this post as my words will only grow in their “classist and elitist” nature. I recently met and swooned over a some what celebrity that will remain nameless. In the early stages of our communication he implied that he was a very private person. He refused to text message and or email and preferred to talk face to face more so than over the phone. As a young lady that has grown up within the political arena, I caught on fast and identified his dedication to privacy through his actions. I never thought that I would need a lawyer to date him due to a predating agreement.
We’d met in passing a few times in public places during public events where he would hint to dealing with me on an intimate level. One day we actually got to sit down and talk. At that time, he told me that he would be interested in getting to know me but because of who he was and how he functions in relationships, I would need to agree to a few things before we could allow each other into each others lives. He asked if I would be willing to meet up with him and his lawyer to discuss a confidentiality agreement. I could bring a lawyer as well. I was baffled when I heard this as he implied that what he was presenting me with would be similar to what couples call a prenuptial agreement (before marriage). I still sat in shock but felt insulted at the time.
I passed on dating him and now that I look back I regret it. As another attempt to change my negative attitude towards the situation he allowed me to see the document to assist in my final decision. I was still offended and declined any further interest. I should have signed it. It was simply a request to keep whatever happens in our relationship with us, we would be sexually, physically and even spirituallymonogamous. He requested a certain amount of intimacy per month, communication standards and affection. In short he wanted everything that girls beg men to give them but rarely get in return willingly.
I shouldn’t have been shocked as I attempt to date men that are of a certain social caliber. I try to attract men that are passionate about achieving goals, molding the community, engaging in life changing events for others within the world of philanthropy and more because such attributes are ones that I try to demonstrate daily. Therefore, a man like that-that has never been seen publicly with a girlfriend, no one knows who he has ever dated and there are no police records of car tire slashings linked to him clearly avoided drama somehow. This is how he did it. Who would’ve “thunk” to have someone sign a PreDating agreement?
I was so upset that he didn’t trust me and would go so far as to ask me to sign a legal document to say that I wouldn’t tell anyone we were dating and keep our business private and in return he would do the same as well until we decided to go public with our relationship. He even explained that he was ready to get married and have children but he needs to make sure he is never vulnerable to the public by way of his image, job and or associations.
I personally have never thought about this until I hit rock bottom with my last boyfriend that decided that a bitter scorned man with an imaginary story to spread around town about things he blew out of proportion due to his bi-polar disorder and depression (which I didn’t learn about until we embarked on a monogamous relationship ) would tarnish my character. Lord, I wished that I had made him sign that agreement that was offered to me by Mr. Celebrity. I then understood the logic behind it all. I reached out to him (to agree to sign that DAMN paper) to see show he was doing and he is now dating a professional athlete that understands the terms and conditions of the dangers that can be avoided by signing on the dotted line.