I Prefer to Date Men From Two Parent Homes

I Prefer to Date Men From Two Parent Homes
Rudy interrupting her parents sleep time on the Cosby Show

After a heated debate with one of my best friends, I've come to the conclusion that I prefer to date men from a two parent home. I know that there are a lot of single mothers out there and that may be by choice and or circumstance. I applaud the work that you do to keep your family together. This is not a stab at you or your sons but simply my opinion. I grew up in a two parent home and was raised by my grand parents. I spent a lot of time with my biological mother and father separately and it didn't take long for me to figure out that there was chaos between the two and I preferred the comfort of my single family lifestyle.

Due to my unique family situation, I know how it feels to be in a single family home with a mother and a father as well as the hardships of mixed visitation, half siblings and more. I became a fan of simplicity early on and my half siblings did as well since they chose to spend summers with my mom and dad also known as their grand parents. The family structure as a whole this day and age is slowly dying. We no longer see the importance of a mother and father within the household. Gender roles have been tarnished and I personally believe that that is the direct result of the massive imbalance within the world today. There is a reason that such fundamentals were in place for centuries and we are currently rebelling against them in the name of evolution. It is ok to be a single mother in today's world. However, if I had my way- there would be no single mothers. I would hope that the men impregnating women would see fit to marry the woman that was good enough to have sex with and women would only have sex with me good enough to father their children. My father told me that life would be a lot easier for me if I made sure that the men I went to bed with would be good fathers and husbands just in case I get stuck with them. I've tried to live by that instead of just having sex with someone just to have sex. That's the real birth control in my mind.

Jessica LaShawn chosing men
Now, how does this effect my preference of men? I decided a while ago that men from a two parent home had a better understanding of what marriage  is and might be able to embrace it from a more functional perspective within a committed relationship. We all were introduced to gender roles and how to interact as husband and wife through family, friends and media. I honestly saw another side to family life by watching the Cosby show and I can only imagine that children from my generation who grew up in single parent homes learned from that show as well. We currently do not have too many shows centered around family that are motivational, positive and lack insulting plots that revolve around drama. Therefore, we do not have a current reminder on television that showcases a "dream family" that we can aspire to be. I took the time to interview a few of my male friends that I know, just met, have dated, currently dating and or hope to date and asked they about their particular situation. I changed their names and their  identifying factors for privacy issues.
black artist
Position: Just Met
Name: Oba
Background: 27 year old artistic director without children.
Situation: Grew up in a two parent home.

Do you think growing up in a two parent home allowed you to develop a better respect for a committed relationships? Yes
Did the fact the you grew up in a two parent home encourage you to provide the same for your children? Yes
Do you think growing up in a two parent home offered you more stability as a child? Yes

Did you ever notice a difference between you and your friends from a single parent home and their approach towards women?
I've never thought about that. Most of my friends come from a two parent home. I do have one friend that doesn't and now that I think about it he is always in another relationship and never the same one he was in the last time I saw him. He is like that as well as his brother. Maybe there is a correlation.
jessica lashawn black man in nature
Position: Dated
Name: Corona
Background: A 30 something father of 3 that specializes in Environmental Services.
Situation: Grew up in a two parent home.
Do you think growing up in a two parent home allowed you to develop a better respect for a committed relationships? Yes
Did the fact the you grew up in a two parent home encourage you to provide the same for your children? Yes, that is what my father did for me so I want to make sure that I am able to do the same thing for my family and my kids.
Do you think growing up in a two parent home offered you more stability as a child? I guess so but I don't know what it is like to grow up without both parents.
Did you ever notice a difference between you and your friends from a single parent home and their approach towards women?
Some of my friends that were in single parent homes were still loving and caring towards their partner and some of my friends that grew up in two parents home weren't always caring to their partner. I think it all depends on the individual. Most of my friends and or family wanted to have that committed relationship once we started getting older. Your priorities change when you get older and you see everyone else getting married.  At the end of the day you shouldn't say that a person from a single family home wouldn't be able to be in a serious relationship. Everyone isn't going to fall into certain guidelines but everyone is difference despite their circumstance. My father grew up in a single family home and that made him want to be there for his children.
jessica lashawn black man in school
Position: Dated
Name: Kevin
Background: 33 year old educational administrator with 2 children.
Situation: Grew up in a two parent home.
Do you think growing up in a two parent home allowed you to develop a better respect for a committed relationships? Yes
Did the fact the you grew up in a two parent home encourage you to provide the same for your children? Yes
Do you think growing up in a two parent home offered you more stability as a child? Yes
Did you ever notice a difference between you and your friends from a single parent home and their approach towards women?
Yes, I think it was two extremes either they were very disrespectful towards women or sensitive to the point of being push-overs.
black man image jessica lashawn
Position: Friends
Name: Alexander
Background: 32 year old image consultant.
Situation: Grew up in a single parent home. (He was raised in a generational household.)
Do you think growing up in a single parent home hindered you from developing a better respect for a committed relationships? No because my mother taught me how to love and I grew up with a nurturing spirit.
Did the fact the you grew up in a single parent home encourage you to provide the same for your children or would you prefer a two parent home? No one wants to have a single parent home. That is never the goal. However, life is life and if you have to raise your child on your own then you are going to have to do what you have to do.
Do you think growing up in a single parent home offer you less stability as a child? No because I had male figures within my life. My biological father wasn't there but I had my step father and my uncles in the house with me. It made me realize that when I have children that I want to be there for them no matter what.
Did you ever notice a difference between you and your friends from a two parent home and their approach towards women? No, I think you're missing the point. Its all about how you were raised. If you know better you will do better. If you have that family environment you will have respect for it no matter if you had one parent or two. I know how to act in a relationship and I know how I don't want to act. It is all about choice and who you are as a person. It is about your intentions and your moral character.
black man jessica lashawn ceo
Position: Dated
Name: John
Background: 30 year old father of one and CEO of investment firm.
Situation: Grew up in a single parent home. (He was raised by his father.)
Do you think growing up in a a single home allowed you to develop a better respect for a committed relationships? Yes, I saw my father work hard to find a woman to be a mother to me. He taught me early on in life what to look for while teaching me how to be a provider and sufficient.  I saw the importance behind being a man and being able to do a "woman's job" also which makes me more desirable.
Did the fact the you grew up in a single parent home encourage you to provide a two parent home for your children? Yes
Do you think growing up in a single parent home offer you less stability as a child? Yes
Did you ever notice a difference between you and your friends from a two parent home and their approach towards women?
My friends that had both of their parents seem to be all into other things. I never really paid attention to it then but looking back they are all married now. That is the first thing that they wanted to do right out of college but I just wanted to work on me. I'm not in a rush for a family which is why me and my daughter's mother aren't together. Those friends have gone a different direction in life. People grow apart.
politician jessica lashawn
Position: Dated
Name: James
Background: 30 something political analyst.
Situation: Grew up in a single parent home. (He was raised by his mother.)
Do you think growing up in a single parent home allowed you to develop a better respect for a committed relationships? No, I am not a fan of commitment. Things happen when people no longer love each other and then you have those that love each other forever. I live in the present only.
Did the fact the you grew up in a single parent home encourage you to provide a two parent home for your children? Yes
Do you think growing up in a single parent home offer you less stability as a child? Yes
Did you ever notice a difference between you and your friends from a two parent home and their approach towards women?
I noticed that they were always happy and they didn't have to deal with as much as I did. Looking back I know my mom worked hard to take care of me but I had to grow up too soon to take care of me for myself. You can say I am a little bitter about it and I do not want to have children as a result.
men jessica lashawn
I took the time to think about the gentlemen featured above and what made them a good fit for me or not. Even though I just met Oba he is a family oriented man that has no problem with commitment at such an early age. That is rare and I honestly believe it stems from his upbringing. He didn't see his father racing to different women to piece together the girl of his dreams. I also prefer to date African men as their family values are less tarnished then African American men (that's another blog to come).  Then you have Corona who is a great guy that is looking for that special woman to make him feel the way his dad felt when he met his mom. Such a goal showcases the power that a father can create within his son when he has an example of a relationship within the home.  Kevin is a family man that in the face of adversity decided to marry the woman that he got pregnant in an effort to show respect for family. That is the type of man I want.
black man
I want a man that is willing to make lemonade out of lemons even if we don't have enough sugar off hand because as long as we have something to drink we are better off then when we were without it. Alexander is a wonderful friend that is unique with old school values. He embraces a different type of man that is able to deal with life from all angles because he was raised by three different generations. His wisdom allows him to be a lover, fighter and survivor. John learned how to be a player by embracing his fathers techniques to find a good woman that could be a mother to him.  He saw women on a more vulnerable side which gave him motivation to exploit it. He also saw that he doesn't need to settle down to be happy. His idea of happiness is to play the field so that you can always live and love on your own terms.  Lastly, James is a man that is upset about how he grew up fatherless. He is upset with his father and how he left them to survive on their own. Such disgust encouraged James to do wonderful and amazing things with his life but he would prefer to share them with only his friends. He isn't interested in a family or ever having anything serous because the quest for such things leave a door way for disappointment.
yes
I know that when it comes to dating it is more about the individual and not the stereotypes. However, if you examine certain stereotypes and figure out who fits into what category you might be able to have better luck when dating. If you know that you want a man with a similar background as you that you can build on when you decide to start your own family you might have more success.  In my opinion, I have had better relationships with men that have similar childhood experiences, family set up and educational advancements . The bible even suggests being equally yoked. Withing the featured picture you have a young Rudy at the edge of her bed looking at her parents sleeping. The visual alone shows how she is there and in need of attention. She has a better chance of her needs being met with two people there and she also subconsciously sees the dynamic of a relationship. She sees her mother and her father in front of her in a bed sleeping. She sees her parents sleeping, together, happy and being a family. The hidden messages are layered.
So, am I wrong or am I right about my preference?

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