A Black Man Scorned

A Black Man Scorned

People always say that there is nothing worse than a woman scorned but what about the men? From birth women are taught to deal with pain, diversity and failure head on with pure optimism- yet, men are taught to simply "man up" and or walk away. Gender roles play a huge part in relationship building, maintenance and fate.

Just a few moments ago I sent a text message to a man I had been dating for a few months ending our non-functional relationship. Yes, I ended it via text which is immature but when you realize someone has completely shut down on you and isn't able to communicate their stance you're left without a choice. As many of you may know I've had a rough life that dealt with a lot of abuse but I try hard to not let my past define me nor stop me. I live everyday full of love, happiness and HOPE!

Yet, I am coming across a new epidemic that might be a factor in why sisters aren't getting married now-a-days other than a shortage of "Marriageable" men- which might be emotional withdrawal. Yes, I am ready and willing to coin this phrase. I've come across so many damaged men that are no longer willing to become serious with someone because they are afraid of getting hurt. Can you believe that? Yup, men cry too! It's wrong of us as a society to not think that men have emotions also and may  have a hard time moving on from traumatic situations.

One of my good friends was molested as a young man and to this day he refuses to leave his kids with anyone for more that 2 hours. They aren't allowed to spend the night anywhere and when they are out of his care he gives them a full body search to make sure they haven't been touched. He can't help but let what happened in the past determine how he handles situations today.

Another male friend of mine is afraid of getting into a committed relationship let alone marriage because he doesn't want to "lose himself." His father committed suicide after his mother filled for divorce. He fears that type of love and that type of pain that forces one to be that engulfed. I can understand how his situation can be confusing as a child and linger on throughout life. If I were him I would probably fear love as well. No one wants something so strong that they would take their own life for it if it doesn't work out the way they'd hope.

Writing this blog is brutal. I know that I have had a few rough moments but I thank GOD for blessing me with the strength I need to not be tainted and or scorned. I am realizing that everyone isn't equipped with that. Yes, I have my moments when I "remember" but I try my "damnedest" not to dwell in such a hollow  and negative place.

I hate to give up on someone that meant so much to me but I can't fix something/someone that's broke by choice, happy 'in pieces' and doesn't desire to be whole. I tried to stick it out and 'show and prove'- I am not the one who hurt you but at the end of the day, that wasn't enough.If you're going through the same thing, I suggest that you evaluate the good, the bad and the truth and find out your true level of comfort. I am done loving people for their potential and not who they are in reality. I appreciated everything he appeared to be!Always,JL

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