Ok folks, so this post by my sister Dr. Stiletto was so hot that I just had to repost it. Since V-Day is over, can we have a real conversation about loving while black?
She writes:
With an air of condescending disappointment and over a plate of fried catfish and smothered sweet potatoes, my good friend asked, “How does Ms. Blackness herself, Queen of critiquing all things white, end up dating a WHITE man?” Yes, it’s the same friend from my last post—what can I say; he provides much fodder for writing! Anyway, I was a little perturbed at the thought of having to “justify” my dating life; still, I pushed my saltiness aside. Once again, I found myself in a “teachable” moment.
Grant it, ten years ago not only would my own underdeveloped consciousness justify his question, but my actions would have affirmed that African American men were the only available dating partners for me. Mind you, this would have been an outgrowth of all the social indicators informing me that I was in the beginning stages of developing a syndrome—the SSBF (Successful Single Black Female) syndrome.
Apparently, the whole of U. S. society is in cahoots to make sure that African American women know how much “success” is detrimental to their heteronormative reproductive outlook—for those who may be seeking such a thing. Random self-dubbed public intellectuals are writing blogs and books, CNN and ABC are hosting televised forums, and comedians are the focus of films teaching professional black women how to think and act right. GTFO!
Read the rest at www.thedrstiletto.com But tell me what you think about the conspiracy to keep professional black women single?
Filed under: Relationships, Uncategorized
Tags: black, Relationship
I'd like to hear what you think. It seems there is a double conflict of the burden of racial identity and Male insecurity towards strong and capable women.
Can I say something really crazy here? Thanks. Um...isn't it kind of...racist...to identify and judge yourself, and other people by SKIN tone??? I mean...values/ideas/personality is not carried in color...or did I get Martin Luther King wrong? I do agree that there is a sub-culture in the US that is related to people who came here from Africa, etc. but at this stage, isn't it time to break those chains and identify yourself as a WOMAN and NOT a "black woman".
I once heard this quote..."you do not fight an evil by adopting and practicing it". I think that fits here. If racism is evil, then destroy it...don't embrace it.
Lastly, there is no such thing - genetically - as a white man, or black man. We are ALL mixed mixed mixed since the beginning of time. As our DNA and faces demonstrate.
First, I want to thank JL for liking and reposting my blog. And thanks for all who have read it thus far. Since I write to get conversations started; let's converse. To begin, you are absolutely correct Cromwell--the piece reflects a burden of racial identity and male insecurity; male insecurity mostly formulated because of racial identity. Many black men (not all of course) are still figuring out how to survive and thrive in this space known as the US having to combat the implications of being raced in a particular way. And while it is an injustice struggle to live through, it can not be at the expense of black women.
Moving forward, racism is not simply the identifying and judging "oneself" by skin tone (inherently there is nothing wrong with identifying oneself and others based on anything) however, systematically assessing value to those identity markers is how we get to a space of racism. That's up front and point blank.
Now, the nitty gritty wherever we reside is contextualized by history and culture. While Shō Uesugi is absolutely correct that there are no genetic markers for identifying human beings through race (such is the scientific research) which would make race "unreal", it would be erroneous to assume that the social realities of race is do not exist. (One must read all the theory and literature before charging people to go into the world and live without race, as it often leads to the benefit of privileged groups and the detriment of the oppressed). The American Association of Anthropologists' website is a good starting place. Barbara Smith, Patricia J. Williams, Hazel Carby, Patricia Collins are all other phenomenal scholars to whom one can refer.
Without writing another dissertation, I'll just say this--in the cultural historical moment that I reside in here in the United States, it is not possible for me to simply be just a woman--no more than I could simply be human. Even if it were a choice left solely up to me, my body would be raced and gendered--just to name those two social locations and that would impact my life experiences. Don't believe me? Tiger Woods is a prime example. He told society that he was Cablanasian, but if you look at any text or document that refers to him--he is caricatured as a major African American golf player. Just like Barack Obama is read for all intensive purposes as the nation's first black President. Is this right/fair? Of course not, but the cultural/historical implications of the moment demand (whether they want to or not) that they negotiate those identities. Now one can be at the front of that negotiation or bare the burden of ignoring it.
Lastly, I will say color-blind/post-racial theory does not work. Not for the safety and the lives of people of color in the United States. If it did Treyvon Martin would still be alive, but he isn't. http://abcnews.go.com/US/treyvon-martin-neighborhood-watch-shooting-911-tapes-send/story?id=15937881#.T2XvDphIjlc The white man who shot him did not regard the 17 years old youth as simply a boy; he saw him as a black male. Unfortunately, too many young black males don't realize and strategize around the reality that we [people of color] don't get to be simply anything in the United States.
I would hope that there is something about this particular white man that made you two like each other. It wasn't just a matter of "I'm gonna get me a white man!"