I tweeted a few days ago that I love Halloween because you can go outside dressed however you want and people won't judge you. It's one of the most liberating days of the year where we all unite as ultimate party-goers. When asked what I was going to wear this weekend I tweeted that I would be Kelly Rowland and wear an outfit she had on in her infamous "Motivation" video featuring Lil Wayne. I received a lot of praise saying "You Go Girl!" and "They ain't READY!" from a few fellow followers but one message scared me and it said,
"All of you women are begging to be raped!"
For those of you that have followed my blog since Jesus was a baby you know that I actually was date-raped while in graduate school. It was one of the worst experiences of my life and altered my behavior drastically to this day. That was the only time in my life where I just didn't love myself and I felt like no one else should love me either because I was the stupidest woman on earth for going to THAT mans house. The part that really hurts is the fact that his twin brother joined in and I literally just wanted to live so I did nothing when I realized I couldn't win a fight with them. I wasn't dressed provocatively or anything, I was just going to spend time with a guy I had been dating and everyone knew him and I we're trying to be the "IT" couple so no one believed that it was rape because we were dating.
We NEVER had sex prior to that incident and sure as hell didn't again afterwards.
I shared my story because I was discussing the tweet I'd received with a gentleman I've been dating for a while and he took the side of the guy in both situations. He said that if you are dating then it can't be rape because you are expected to have sex with him anyway, eventually, it would happen so why does it matter? I was shocked. I was hurt and insulted. Since when does dating justify reason to force fully have sex with someone . If that's the case when a guy takes me out I can just put something in his drink and have my way with him then because he paid for diner he must have known sex would be apart of the equation no matter what he might have to say about it. OKAY, I admit that was a lil' off. I digress but it was the only thing I could think of that was close to being relevant.
Yeah, yeah, yeah what does all of this have to do with Halloween Jessica?
Well, after polling a lot of my friends and reading tweets of strangers venting about the scary holiday, I realized that most women do dress in a provocative manner to celebrate. I have NEVER found anything wrong with this but since I read that tweet I've been a little down. A lot of men enjoy this day for the simple fact that women let it all hang out. "It's like Freak-Nik all over again. People are going to be walking the streets full of lust and I can't wait" said Ramon Tyler about this weekend.
I'm fearful now.
DO I have a right to be? I almost don't want to go out anymore. I know it is crazy to let someone steal your joy like that with one random and crazy tweet but it sparked some old memories within me that have kinda killed the mood for me. I feel like I'm planning to be irresponsible just like I was that night. Although I know I really didn't do anything wrong that night by going to see him because I couldn't have known that he was a serial rapist. (Oh, forgot to mention that I wasn't the only one he raped and he is STILL walking around FREE! I did attempt to press charges but was never allowed to!)
I also know that me dressing up and celebrating this fun holiday is just that... FUN so why would I stop myself from enjoying it with a group of friends?
I know that when I put my costume on and walk out that door I'll be thinking about that tweet all night and seeing the face of the man that raped me and his brother!