Is Marriage For White People?
I'm 30 and quickly approaching 31 and I am single without kids. I would like to believe that I am a successful professional. I will admit that I am a wild card when it comes to branching out and doing things career wise because I NEVER want to say I should've, would've and couldn't later on down the line. That doesn't mean that I am not marriage worthy. My mother raised me to be the perfect wife-to-be but my prince charming hasn't come along and put a ring on it yet and that is starting to baffle me.
While at a bar one night out with my girls a handsome young brother approached me and asked me why I was still single. I blushed and asked how could he tell I was unaccounted for and he said because I have a very free spirit. I answered his question by saying that I haven't met a man that could deal with such freedom as of yet. He walked away and left me puzzled. Maybe that wasn't a good answer but it left me thinking hard. I'll be honest I've been proposed to a few times whether they were real or fake doesn't matter at this point because CLEARLY they never went anywhere. I am not alone thought, the majority of my African American friends between the ages of 25-35 are not married and I know some smart , sexy, and classy women.
My girl Portia introduced me to an article last night that asks if "Marriage Is For White People?" It breaks down a few theories that an author has when addressing why black women aren't getting married. One particular thing that it questions is why black women are afraid to date outside of their own race. I felt the need to say why I'm loyal to the black man even though it seems as if my loyalty is in vain. I was raised by a black man that was born in 1927. That being said he went through the ups and downs of being a black man in America and his struggle made me respect the power, motivation and drive of a black man. Having a strong father figure in my life made me want to marry a man just like him an I equate that with being black. I've dated outside of my race numerous times and felt that something was missing.
It saddens me to believe that in order for me to want to live the HUMAN dream to get married, make babies and live life, that I have to do it outside of my race because the social economical and environmental circumstances are against me. I don't want to add to the ever growing population of mixed babies (nothing wrong with being mixed ) but black people that are as dark as me are now a rarity. I want to produce some "tar babies" because some how some way I believe that black is beautiful.
Every race should feel the same way about their race because that is what represents who you are. I've said in previous blogs that I want to marry an African man so my children will be able to have a connection with the homeland and hopefully have a strong sense of self pride. I know that Africa has a mixed population but I meant a BLACK African man. To be honest sisters want a brother because that's what we've been procreating with all of these years and if we all just gave up on our black men pretty soon they'd be extinct.
Last week I was able to talk to a white, male co-worker about marriage. He said that he is eager to get married and loves his biracial girlfriend whom happens to be Asian and Middle Eastern. I shockingly told him that I'm not used to a guy saying that and he asked why. I thought about it and said that I know a lot of black men that don't think marriage is a priority. He agreed and told me that many of his male friends that happen to be black talk about dating black women in a fashion that seems like a chore. He highlighted that his black friends bragged about black women dating them as if it were an honor. I was appalled and he let me know that he was too and went on to say that he hates having certain convos with them because it seems disrespectful. All in all he got the idea that black men feel they can do better than the black woman and only date them but not marry them. Marriage is no longer an option for his male black friends because they are so rare and have so many options.
I've heard numerous times that black women blow up the ego of successful black men and let them know that they are in high demand which overall eliminates a black woman's chance of marrying him.
Watch This Video and Lets Get a discussion GOING HERE!
I would love to have a girls town hall (AKA LIVE CHAT) on this subject next Tuesday. Anybody down for a live chat on this suggest a time within the comments. I want to hear some real opinions.
Things to think about....
1. If black women date out of their race just to increase their chances of getting married are they "settling?"
2. Does the lack black men obtaining a higher education make them unworthy of "marriage"?
3. Why is the high prison factor such an important part of the puzzle when it comes to eligible bachlors, not EVERY brother is in jail or has gone to jail?
4. Is the black woman's chance of getting married really challenged by successful black men that marry white women?