Three years? WTF are you thinking?

So here’s the challenge -- Write a letter to a celebrity (rock star, politician, athlete, movie star, etc.) convincing them you should become best friends.

Seriously.

So with the Republican debate going head-to-head with the World Series, I couldn’t help but think – who would I write to – a politician or athlete-- and ask them to be my BBF?

Ouch.

Chris Christie?  Donald Trump? Ned Yost?

Geez.  I just don’t know.

What other athlete?  Derrick Rose? Jordy Nelson? Aaron Rodgers?

All great athletes, but I can’t think of writing them to be a best friend.

But wait.  Maybe my sights are set too high.  Perhaps I should look closer to home.

I think I’ll write Rahm Emanuel.  We both went to suburban high schools, we both seem to have a short fuse, so why the F not (need to get in a Rahm mood).

So here goes.

Dear Rahm:

Sounds like you had a good F---ng day.   The budget passed, the president went home and they finally got southbound Lake Shore Drive fixed. For now.

Interestingly enough, you have already said that you will seek a third term.

Rahm, are you F—ng nuts?

Not that you shouldn’t run, because at this point there’s no other dumb F—er who can effectively challenge you.   Take that as a compliment.

But really, what the F—k are you thinking?  Three F---ng years?  Three years of listening to people who want to challenge you?

Just WTF were you thinking?

Three years of people blaming you for the CPS mess and the city’s financial mess when in fact it had been building for years.  And Rahm, thanks to your  F—ng stupid announcement, we’ll be faced with the rhetoric of Jesus “Chuy” Garcia, and, thanks to you acting like a dumb s—t, there’s a possibility of three years listening to Willie Wilson and William “Dock” Walls.

Thanks, Rahm.

Now that you have announced you're running in three years, try working on other things besides the budget etc.

Seriously.

Let’s look at crime.  Especially gun violence. I don’t have an answer.  I’m not sure anybody does.

But let’s stop listening to NIMBYs who think it’s only their neighborhoods.

It’s not.  Stop f—ng around with them.  How it’s done is up to you and Terry McCarthy.

That’s one.

I’ll skip the school crisis because as an educator, I’m biased.

That’s two.

O’Hare noise.  Not sure WTF you can do about this one because it’s beyond me how people would buy a home near a major airport.

That’s three.

Speaking of O’Hare, you’re new goddess of aviation is thinking about high-speed rail into the city.  Save some f—ng cash Rahm.  You have a rail line already there.  High speed service could run on or parallel to the Metra tracks that run in from O’Hare and right to Union Station.  Bag the CTA tracks.  It’s cheaper and easier to use existing tracks and right of way.  Just sayin’.

That’s four.

During the next three years, you need to address some social issues by writing and passing ordinance to govern the following.  It shall be against the f—ng law to:

  •  Post pictures of your meal on social media.
  • Post pictures of young children who are not wearing clothes.
  • Post pictures of dogs, or any animals for that matter, in costumes.

And finally, it shall be a violation of the city code for any Cubs fan to incessantly call them Cubbies.

Please do that.  Just f—ng do that.

At least it will make the next three years more f—ng interesting.

You new best friend,

Stan

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