The czars, gods and goddesses who keep track of such things must have too much time on their hands.
A wire service story, which ran in news outlets the day after Thanksgiving, reported that Americans are weird eaters.
Hold the front page.
Forget world discourse, world hunger and the prospects of the Cubs having a winning season, we’re talking real news here. Well, maybe not.
The story quotes statistics from Dunkin’ Donuts, Kellogg’s and McDonald’s that reveal that it’s not unusual for Americans to cereal at other times besides breakfast, eat tuna salad at 9 a.m. or apple pie for breakfast.
This is news? McDonald’s has even touted French Fries for breakfast. Again, this is news?
If the nation’s food industry, specifically the fast food industry wanted to save a lot of money, all it had to do was check with a man. Any man. Chances are they would have found that weird eating habits have been passed from man-to-man for generations as evidenced by some of seemingly fine dining habits that are often associated with men.
These can include, but are by no means limited to:
Cold pizza (for breakfast)
Cold Chinese food (for breakfast)
Cold fried chicken (any time)
Cold roast beef (any time)
Morning juice replaced by a soft drink
Cold mashed potatoes
French fries (any time)
Cold steak (for breakfast)
And the list can go on and on. There is a common theme here – much of the food is best devoured cold. Some people would call this gross, but in actuality, it’s a matter of being trendy. Men have been going green for years. By attacking innocent leftovers without heating them up, we are saving energy as we do not even think about turning on the stove or microwave, thereby saving electricity.
Water conservation is best realized by the fact that men avoid the hassle of using plates. A simple napkin, paper towel or even a bare hand suffices -- something which has aggravated mothers and wives for year.
They just don’t get it. What appears as a barbaric ritual of survival of the fittest is little more than appeasing one’s appetite while being environmentally friendly.
Oh, by the way, cold pizza topped with anchovies, green peppers and onions make a great breakfast.
But only when accompanied by a cold soft drink.
Filed under: News: Opinion
Tags: fast food, junk food, mens' habits, Weird eaters
