I read the news today, oh, boy...

I had to check - much to my surprise, there is no full moon.

It's just a day loaded with strange news.  Some of the stories which grace the pages of
"the bright one" or the "world's greatest newspaper" include, but are not
limited to the following.  By the way, to
quote Dave Barry, I am not making this up.

 

Potato chips are making us fat.  Some researcher whose name I can't pronounce
did research on this. There's little doubt in my mind that he, and his
colleagues at Hahvahd probably got a huge grant to research this.  He could have just called me or visit any
high school.  According to Dr. F. Xavier
Pi-Sunyer, the report, the reason chips make a person fat is because you can't
eat just one.  Jay's told us that years
ago.

 

Capone's handgun sells for
$110,000. 
No big deal here, except
that the bright one says it was $110,000 and the czars at the Tower say it was
$109,000.  Extra grand must have been for
shipping.

 

Cops:  Amish predator arrived in horse and buggy: Right,
the guy was maintaining the traditional Amish lifestyle while texting nude and
lewd photos of himself to of randomly selected dialed cell phones.  This guy has a future - he can run for Congress.

 

Woman ordered to deodorize home,
keep only 3 pets: 
This fine,
animal-loving north suburban resident received this sentence after neighbors
complained about the odor of cat urine coming from her house.  Boy, don't you hate nosey neighbors?  After all, all she had was 130 live cats, and
15 dead cats.  Unfortunately, 60 of the
cats had to be euphonized.  Hello, Animal
Planet?

 

Pope may get hybrid:  I thought I saw him in the dealership the
other day.  He was trying to trade in a
vehicle that was used by gentle senior citizen who used it to go to church
every Sunday.  Not to the Pontiff - get
the extended warranty.

 

And Finally...

 

Cubs go to bat for gay
youth. 
There's nothing funny about
this great effort by the Cubs to crack down on harassment and bullying of gay
and lesbian youth.  Unfortunately, the
name of the program misled me.  The
program is called "It Gets better", and when I saw the picture of the Wrigley
marquee, Ryan Dempster and Marlon Byrd, I thought they were making promises
about the 2011 Cubs.  They weren't.  But at least the Cubs have scored one
victory.

Filed under: Uncategorized

Tags: Cubs, strange news, the pope

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