Today I've invited author and parenting expert C. Lynn Williams to Write on the very interesting dynamic of Mother Daughter Relationships.
Mom, I Just Want Your Love
“Can you just love me as the daughter that I am?” That’s a question that many girls and women ask these days. “What did I do to make my mother treat me the way she does?” A friend of mine talks of how her mother belittles her and treats her like she’s a three year old. One of my adult students says that her mother can’t seem to find a kind word to say to her and she just avoids her. Why is that? As they say, there is nothing like a mother’s love. When you don’t have it, don’t you feel unbalanced?
In one of the chapters of my latest book, “Raising Your Daughter Through the Joys, Tears & HORMONES”, I discuss what it means to be proud of your daughter. As a mother of two daughters, I remember how much I expected out of them. Actually my stepdaughter joined our family at the age of 16, so I didn’t get to participate in her training as a young girl. Yes I expected a lot from them, but I also explained why. I remember one of the conflicts that my daughter and I had, was when she became a teen. She told me that my expectations were too high for her. So we talked about it. Part of her problem with me was that I just told her what to do and didn’t seem to care how I said what I said. So it really wasn’t my expectations, but how I said what I expected. What did I expect?
- Be responsible
- Be respectable
- Finish school
- Believe in God
- Work & manage your money
- Respect your parents and other adults
- Think before you act
I think in all of the raising that we do with our daughters, we forget to be human with them, to love and enjoy them. Have a good relationship with your daughter. Talk to her, the way you would want her to talk to you if she were your mother. Cursing and harsh talking will not endear her to you. If she is a strong-willed person, like I was, not only will she not respect you, you may just tell you to jump in the lake. (I’m being funny here, but you don’t want an unnecessary fight on your hands.) Parenting is about gently leading and guiding our children, and teaching them right from wrong. As my grandmother used to say, “You get more bees with honey than you do with vinegar”.
To raise the consciousness of our people (and I’m talking humans everywhere), we have to lead by example and do it with love. The way you treat her, will be the way she treats her children.
I am putting together a mother-daughter workshop that will be offered in late summer, 2013. Let me know if you have a story that you’d like to share with me.
email me at email@example.com
C. Lynn Williams is a respected author and parenting coach who has authored books on parenting for boys as well as girls. her latest book Raising Your Daughter Through the Joys Tears and Hormones is available wherever books are sold. Visit her web site at www.clynnwilliams.com