There should be a writer in every family because every family is chock full of material. (Check out a Thanksgiving screenplay by Fern Ronay)
Though, no matter how funny/crazy/dysfunctional your family is, I beg of you ... put down the Christmas tree.
From the archives ~~~ 8 holiday disaster stories ripped from the headlines ~~~
Fight over stuffing turkey with celery ends with parents in jail
You see, one family member is allergic to celery! Hair pulling and face scratching ensued. Punches were thrown. Grandma and Grandpa were thrown in jail. Still, the hostess continued cooking and had her other relatives over a few hours later, saying "It still turned out all right."
Man attacks father with a Christmas tree
Make love, not Christmas trees.
Woman attacks father with a Christmas tree
Annie, get your Christmas tree. Since when did Christmas trees become the weapon of choice?
Man who celebrates Christmas everyday plans to marry his Christmas tree
No matter what - you will NEVER be this hard up. Note: He says he has a ring but is not sure which branch to hang it on.
Woman gropes Santa Claus
Or THIS hard up. Note: A complaint was filed stating that Santa Claus had been sexually assaulted.
Burglars steal Nativity scene from woman's front yard
Or this Bah Humbug. Note: Victim vowed "If I find out who did this, they'll get what's coming to them." On a happier 'spirit of the holidays' note, neighbors offered to replace the stolen figures.
Man runs over Christmas decorations, decapitates a snowman and shoots neighbor
Or THIS Bah Humbug. Note: The end result was a trail of blood and destroyed decorations in the front yard ... and attempted murder charges.
Woman dresses in Christmas lights and dances in front of her house
Or this crazy. Actually, I love this woman and want to be friends with her.
In the spirit of Stop and Blog the Roses, today, I am grateful ~
that my holiday photos do not include mugshots
and no snowmen were maimed in the writing of this story.
Fern Ronay relocated to Los Angeles in 2014. Her first novel, Better in the Morning, the story of a single 29-year-old Manhattan lawyer who is guided in her dreams by her dead Italian grandparents, is available on Amazon and Barnes & Noble. Follow the hashtag #BetterInTheMorningBook on social media and follow Fern on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram and Snapchat @FernRonay.