Dear Lindsay Lohan:
I don't know you personally. I don't know a thing about addiction. I don't know what it's like to be famous or live in Hollywood.
But, here is what I do know, based purely on observation.
And, considering that you seem to be racking up the legal fees, you might want to take some free advice.
1. Your parents are the pits. Neither of them can get through an interview without pointing out how the other one comes up short in the parenting department. Now, your Nana? She's too cute. Yes, I caught a couple episodes of Living Lohan on E!
Free advice #1: Call Nana.
2. Hollywood seems like a lot of fun. No one sits behind a desk. Every night is a party night. It's always warm.
Free advice #2: Move back to New York. Do NOT move in with your mother. She's too Hollywood. Move in with Nana.
3. Thank G0d you didn't kill anyone when you got behind the wheel of that car. Everyone is the most important person in the world to someone else. What if you had killed someone's baby? How would you feel if someone killed your baby, your loved one?
Free advice #3: While living with Nana, write down three things you are grateful for everyday. They don't have to be different everyday (like some people). In fact, one of them should always be "Thank G0d I didn't kill anyone that night. I will never forget that everybody is somebody's baby."
It's easy. Watch and learn.
Today, I am grateful ~
1/ That my parents taught me about respect by respecting each other.
2/ That I live in the real world. But, if any of my grandparents were alive, it would be very tempting to live with them even for just a little while. It would be all good food and funny stories.
3/ That I subscribe to the 'Imbibe but don't drive' way of life. For example, when I lived at home in NJ after college, my friend G's 17 year old brother used to drop us off and pick us up from the bars in Hoboken at 2AM. Lindsay, don't you have a little brother?
Follow me and my yearlong project, Stop and Blog the Roses, on Twitter @fernronay.