Three years ago -
I was sitting in the exit row, making myself comfortable for the five hour flight from NYC to LA to visit H, who was already there. Anyone who flies regularly knows that the exit row is the cream of the crop for us bottom feeders in Coach. It's First Class leg room without any of the First Class amenities. Still, it's worth checking in online 24 hours ahead to snag it. Continental now charges for exit row seating. Bastards.
Passenger to my left (in a Southern accent): Oh, you're flying by yourself? My wife is up in the fifth row. We've been separated...
Before he could get the words out - which would have been "Would you mind switching your spacious exit row window seat for my wife's cramped MIDDLE seat in a REGULAR row for this FIVE hour long flight?" - I said No.
I quickly tempered it with "I fly all the time and I check in 24 hours ahead to get this seat in particular." He seemed to understand and then, to add insult to awkward, he tried to make conversation.
My flight back to Chicago was delayed two hours.
After we boarded, we sat on the hot, stuffy plane for another two hours.
I couldn't do my regular 24 hour ahead of time check in because I was at a wedding on Saturday. So, I got the last seat on the plane - no leg room, nowhere to recline, and right next to the bathroom. Let's just say everyone had obviously spent their free time during the delay with a burrito bowl at Chipotle.
Then, suddenly, I felt water dripping on me. My heart fell. I'm getting peed on!! Looking back, I guess it doesn't really make sense why urine would be dripping from the ceiling of the plane but that was still my initial thought. In reality, it was just regular water (yeah, I smelled it). Our plane was perspiring. The flight attendant did not find this strange. She handed me paper towels.
There I was - hot, tired, cramped, and wet. Ten minutes into the flight, I realized I had read both of my magazines during our delay. So, all I could do was sit there for the rest of the flight and ask that Southern man and his wife, wherever they are, to forgive me.
I decided to Stop and Blog the Roses. I pulled out my mental keyboard and came up with:
1/ At least the guy next to me doesn't smell. Maybe the bathroom is covering his b.o. but I'm pretty sure he's odorless.
2/ We were delayed so long that the trail mix was free. I was flying American this time and it was supposed to be complimentary beverage service only. Oddly, I had been craving almonds all day and there they were - with cashews and walnuts too. Rejoice!
3/ It wasn't pee.
Follow me and my yearlong project, Stop and Blog the Roses: One Spoiled American's Year of Living Thankfully, on Twitter @fernronay.