Below is a letter I wrote (a year ago) to my son.
Dear Choo Choo (legally known as George),
We just celebrated your second birthday, which means you’re moving from baby to toddler—and the Terrible Two’s. I’ve been looking back at the past two years and thought I should lay down the 411 on a few things that might slip my mind in the later years.
First off, I’m sorry.
I’m sorry that I don’t have the natural mommy genes that some moms seen to have as soon as the baby pops out of the womb. That wasn’t me.
Even from the day we left the hospital, things were a bit out of whack. The nurse kindly helped Daddy put you in the infant carrier in the back seat of our car. I gingerly climbed into the front seat and then noticed the nurse’s scornful look.
“What?” I asked her looking confused and a bit irritated.
“Well... most new mommy's choose to sit in the back with their babies.”
It didn’t start off well.
Then, a few days later, I decided to follow my doctor’s instructions and do some walking (as I was ordered after a C-section). So, I did what any American girl would do - I took you out shopping! I walked all the way into Victoria’s Secret. Aunt Lori offered to hold you while I browsed my first post-natal lingerie purchase. While enjoying the feel of silky underthings, I heard a baby screeching, and my first thought was, “Who the hell would bring their baby into Victoria’s Secret?”
Yeah, that was you crying, and I was the negligent mom.
In my defense, let me say that I am used to reports and manuals that provide insights and statistics that guide me to make intelligent, thoughtful decisions. My computer and smartphone prompt me with pop-up reminders. Mama's ride has a 152-page user’s manual, and it’s not nearly as complex as you are, my dear tater tot. I mean, could someone have told me that you should never remove a little boy’s diaper without covering up his pee-pee immediately? Let me just say...so much for silk.
Granted - before you were born I wasn't thinking 'Choochie Choochie' - I was thinking 'Gucci Gucci'. I admit that it hasn’t been a simple adjustment for me, but that doesn’t mean I haven’t enjoyed every, single minute of motherhood. In fact, I am grateful that you have changed me from a driven career she-devil into a career woman who loves her son so much that I have re-prioritized my life—and discovered a joy I never imagined existed.
So, thank you, my dear Choo Choo, for blessing my life, and for teaching me that sometimes it’s better to take baby steps to make a difference in your life—even though I will forever take those steps in a pair of smokin' stilettos.
All my love,
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