Before I became a mom last year I had heard forever about how much having a kid changes you. No one really pinpointed what exactly changes but in four years of trying to have a baby, I repeatedly heard how much it would change me if/when it actually happened. Everyone said it, “Motherhood changes a gal.” I kind of brushed it off and eye rolled a little like, “Yeah, that’s nice but it can’t change everything about a person or anything because I’m super smart and I know it all.”
Spoiler alert: Everyone was right. And what exactly changes? Everything.
When I was waddling around with a big, ol’ pregnant belly I kept loudly exclaiming, “I won’t be one of those people with toys cluttering up my house and comin’ out the ying yang! I will fold a baby’s life into my own, not create a whole new life around just being a mom! My relationships won’t change at all!” As I type this from a couch with a blueberry juice handprint on it and looking at a toy storage corner that has spilled out to take out half of the room, I can admit I may have not realized how much things would change….or that I’d embrace it as tightly as I have.
When I was dreaming of my someday baby and then prepping for that actual babe I could have never imagined that I’d become the nursing, crunchy, baby-wearing, mostly cloth-diapering, sometimes co-sleeping attachment mother that I wound up being. I couldn’t imagine that there would be days that I’d leave the house in leggings with holes in them and my hair resembling a broke down version of the Bride of Frankenstein (actually I swore that would never happen). I couldn’t imagine that I’d quit a full time PR agency job to freelance and spend more time finger painting and trying to keep my tiny human from sticking his Matchbox cars into outlets. I couldn’t imagine that in recovering from post-partum depression I’d actually find a strength I never knew I had and that I’d fall in love with myself more than I thought possible and become a person who is unwilling to deal with adult bullshit. I couldn’t imagine that every single day of motherhood would bring me a million little disasters to avoid, hundreds of figurative fires to put out, and countless moments of wanting to squeeze that little person forever and ever because my heart knows love like I never knew.
When I became a mother everything changed. Believe me, those blueberry juice handprints on everything and plentiful amounts of Legos under my couches are proof of that. Since my little Babysaurus roared into my life over a year ago now I’ve realized that every single day is full of its ups and downs and scoldings and tight hugs. Every single day I realized that, damn, people were right and maybe I don’t know it all. Motherhood changes everything.
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