Note: This post is from last summer (2010).
Dear Coach Fitz,
You have the talent. You have the support staff. You have a nice new marketing plan. You have everything a coach needs to be successful in this town and make Northwestern into Chicago's Big Ten Team... except one thing.
Ditka.
Phil.
Ozzie.
Coach Q.
All those men led Chicago championship teams that have become legends in this town.
With the possible exception of Phil (who isn't there yet), none of them have had the same success anywhere else but in Chicago.
All of this means nothing, however, for it is this one feature they have in common which really leads to their success...
They all have legendary mustaches.
Coach Fitz, it's time to take your place amongst these greats.
The Chicago college football scene is wide open facially, your closest competition is the cradle of 'staches (and QBs too, I guess) that is Purdue. You've already gotten the last word with Wilford BrimleyJoe Tiller, and we'll be facing his two protege-staches (Danny Hope and Brock Spack) in our house this season, one of whom we've already beaten. Ron Zook made an error, he shaved his mustache... he served you up yet another victory with bad playcalling.
The mustache has its positive effects outside of Chicago as well-- Carl Pavano and his mustache are experiencing a career renaissance in Minnesota, though you may need to keep your children away from him. Even Jason Giambi played marginally better with a mustache... even if he didn't look any better. Also note that Tom Selleck's career took a nosedive after he shaved his (or after he made Mr. Baseball, we're not sure which).
Bottom line is, if you want to reach the top in Chicago, you need to let those whiskers grow. Of course, as we all know, the mustache doesn't 100% guarantee success in Chicago, but you actually have to be able to coach, too, which you can obviously do. Anybody who saw you in your playing days knows you are more than capable of growing facial hair. And if you need advice or help, I'm sure the amazing NU Fencing coach Laurie Schiller will be happy to oblige.
Now, NU fans, this is where you come in. The campaign for Coach Fitz to grow a 'stache has begun. Join the movement. We want to hear from you! Let Fitz know how much you want him to join the elite Chicago coach club! As you can see from the slideshow, we've done our artist renderings of the proposed facial hair. We'd like to like to see yours. Send your best Fitz-stache to spreadfarthefame -at- gmail -dot- com. The winner gets free beer at Wildcat Alley beginning 2 hours before kickoff at any Wildcat home game.
Filed under: Football
Tags: football, Mike Ditka, Mustache, northwestern, Northwestern Wildcats, northwestern wildcats football, pat fitzgerald
Wow, this is absolutely spectacular.
LOL! good shit. This is one step away from Clay Travis BGID (beard getting it done) social theory. which is in fact a very self-serving one
The American Mustache Institute approves of this post.
Carry on.
Dr. Abraham Jonas Froman
Chief Executive Officer
The American Mustache Institute
877-STACHE-1
http://www.americanmustacheinstitute.org/
info@americanmustacheinstitute.org