"Seriously, this was the ugliest girl I had ever met but she reminded me of my mom so that's why we dated." - Walgreens, Roosevelt and Canal
"Sandy Jackson is a mess. I knew she was underhanded when she got her nose job. You're a f*cking Alderman, not a Housewife of Beverly Hills." --Valois, Hyde Park
"This particular color green is making me violently ill. I want my money back. " Sherwin Williams, Hyde Park
"They knew I was fired yesterday, I drove all the way to freaking Schaumburg for nothing. Those bitches could have called me and I would have slept in." Giordanos, Bedford Park
"This guy is a virgin. I don't have a problem with him being a virgin, I have a problem with him being 33 AND a virgin." Target, Roosevelt and Clark.
"Ok, so his mom is a Jehoviah Witness, she always wants to talk about Jehoviah. I lied and told her I was an Atheist just to piss her off." Ford City Mall, Food Court.
"I believe someone is dead in here...and they farted while dead." Bathroom, Ford City Mall.
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