A Few Things I Wish I Knew When I Was Younger

I have broken into my 30's and I find this period of my life to be exciting and forever evolving.  I enjoy every day  and I feel more confident than I ever have in my life.

If only I knew then what I know now! I imagine many things would be different for me overall...or maybe not.

We've all thought back to the days of our youth: I do as well but my thoughts are always followed by a sour grimace on my face because of the missed opportunities, overused opportunities or lack of opportunities.

This is what I'd do differently.

Kick 2 Ex-Boyfriends In The Ball Sack:

I dated two pieces of shit in my younger years.  One was a compulsive liar while the other was an under achiever who tried to change me when it was him that needed to change.

I tolerated it then because I thought all boyfriends were supposed to be that way. I would try to figure it out but in reality...some shit you just can't put your finger on.  I knew I was being lied to but I just decided to accept what was being said. When I realized how much of a lame each guy was, I dropped his ass quicker than a fucking Lil' Wayne mix tape.

The under achiever was alright with working crappy jobs and smoked weed 90 percent of the time when I didn't smoke at all. While he was creeping with God knows who, I was busy not giving a shit. I just told his ass to kick bricks after many failed attempts to rekindle. The result was, I was tired of settling for crap. I wasted a lot of time humoring the situation when I should have let it dissolve.

I realize now that you can't polish a turd..

Well, you can try..but your fingers end up smelling like shit..or something.

Gotta Love The Haters:

There was a chick in high school that would say everything negative about me.  Anything she could think of, she would say because in retrospect she was insanely jealous. "Oh, Joy thinks she's a fucking barbie or something with her ugly ass."..."Oh, she got some big ass teeth.." ..."Look at how skinny she is..like a crackhead."

What "Ms. Bitch" didn't realize is that I knew she had a kid at 15 who was in foster care.

As much as my feelings were hurt behind the things she would say, I decided to never say anything to her about what I knew.  We could've have been friends if I had pulled her aside and said, "I know why you are acting like this and I want you to stop." Instead, I just let it eat me up as if her problems were mine.

Put Adults In Their Place:

I had a teacher who was inadvertently racist with all of his black or Hispanic students.  He said a lot of dumb shit that made me want to knock his teeth out.  We were having a discussion about Africans and he mentioned that at a period of time Africans were doing things like "animals".  As he said, "Animals", he'd look me square in the eyes and smirked.  I don't think any of the other kids noticed or gave a shit..but I did.  I should have said something.

Stop Bullying When I Saw It:

There was this chick named Marianna who was bullied by a gang of girls that went to my high school. Marianna was a chola type with dark makeup, baggy Dickies and big hair. I don't know what she did to these girls but they hated her.

She had History with me and this gang of girls would taunt her outside of our classroom door.  The teacher, who was oblivious to what was going on outside, kept her back to the class writing on the blackboard.

One day, we were waiting outside of school and I said,"What's up?" to her as we stood in the cold waiting for 8:15 to roll around.  She rolled her eyes at me and I immediately vowed to never try speaking to her again.

Two days later, I found out she killed herself with a shotgun.  There was a lot of shit going on with her that I knew nothing about. I could have said something to someone.

There you have it: Life has its way of teaching us the better way to go. We don't learn it by reading books or taking classes.  We learn through significant life experiences.  I understand so much about myself because of what I have been exposed to as a young woman. Now, I am very outspoken and refuse to hesitate to tell someone I care.

If I were younger, I would be just as knuckle headed, I gather. That is the way it was meant to be. My path was chosen so that I could face what lay ahead.

As always, I thank you for reading my post.  Feel free to leave your comments below and while you're at it, follow me on Twitter @TheRealJoyRene.


Yep, you're welcome.

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Tags: chicago, retrospect, southside

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