"I just ordered my son a new iPad for Christmas. That son-of-a-bitch is being sent back since he dropped out of school." -Chase Bank, 63rd & Western
"The person I picked for Secret Santa is an asshole. Can't I just take a shit in the box?" -Name & Location WITHELD BY REQUEST
"If I don't get an engagement ring this year, we're done." --Walgreens, 55th & Lake Park
"Dude, I told you, its better to be single during Christmas and New Year's." - Panera, Roosevelt & Canal
"This Santa looks like he's anorexic...they didn't even try to stuff the suit." -Ford City Mall, Food Court
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