South Side Woman's Guide To Being Sexy: Step by Step Instruction

Sure, you're attractive enough.

There are a lot of guys that pay attention to you and many may slide you their number.

However, there is something missing:

You haven't got your sexy under control. It hasn't been cultivated and it is lying dormant under years of society placed restraints and laws.

Now this "sexy" I am talking about has nothing to do with highlights and red lipstick.

It is South Side Sexy that will get you the attention you are looking for, ladies.

ATTENTION!

You do not have to live on the South Side to obtain this high level of sexiness. All you need is a chick that has an inside connection to help you out.

That's me. I am YOUR chick.

Here is my quick guide to being "South Side Sexy."

°Finish A Whole Beer Without Whining.

Do you realize how annoying it is for a guy to hang at the Sports Bar with his girl only to have her sit and complain about the taste of beer?

You wanted a draft now you have one. No one wants to hear you complain that it tastes like piss when you don't even know what piss tastes like (I hope). 

°Know Your City's Teams

The least you can do is learn what teams play for Chicago.

A big plus is understanding how the games are played. If you don't understand, a man will be happy to indulge and explain it all.

The worst thing you can do is fake the funk and pretend to be sport savy.

Everyone will know once you mention how sad you were when Sammy Sosa left the Bulls.

°Get Dirty

Nothing says sexy more than a woman who isn't afraid of a little dirt. It won't kill you to go on a fishing trip and actually learn to cast a rod.

However, if you don't want to put worms on a hook...I am 100% behind you.
Eww!

°Eating Is Allowed

No one will ever uncover the mystery that drives women to pretend they don't eat.

"I'll have the salad." only means "I am going to mouth vacuum all the food in my fridge when this date is over."

If you are hungry, eat, dammit.

That's common sense.

°Don't Hesitate To Speak Up

Being a puppet is not at all attractive. Speak your mind if there is something you want to express.

Don't go with the flow if it does not agree with your plan. 

My dad would say,"The one with the closed mouth is the one with the sore asshole."

Hum..let's leave assholes out of this.

Being upfront with your feelings shows that you are a woman who knows what she wants (and avoids soreness).

That is damn sexy!

°Do Not Try To Convert Your Man Into A Woman

Sounds harsh, doesn't it? I am sure you believe you've never done this but I assure you that you have.

All women have been culprits to this massive crime.

If you have ever forced your man to do something with you that is normally something you do with your girlfriends:

GUILTY.

It isn't right to ask your guy to go shoe and dress shopping with you. Nor is it acceptable to drag him to see "Magic Mike."

There are some things that we as woman should do only with other women.

Period.

Please feel free to leave comments and while you are at it, follow me on Twitter @TheRealJoyRene.

Yep...you're welcome!

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  • Lol you should be a comic everything you write was so true and indeed real funny. The beer, that I have seen and heard several times it just made the situation bad.

    Sports and dirty hmmm yes can make a big difference if you know sports it helps if you don't but are willing to watch, attend and learn that will make a huge difference.

    But being able to get dirty wow that is a huge plus. Eating well that could impact a brothers pocket I had (meaning) friends who when dating were as cheap as hell and if the date wanted just a salad they were all for it. But since most are in a serious relationship (marriage) they have nothing to say about when their wives or girl friends order what they want besides salads.

    I don't know of any of my friends or their wives or girl friends that will go shopping with them in fact the women wint even ask them.

    I also know that all the ladies involved with my friends are very vocal and demand you listen to their opinion and in order to get and keep a good relationship you better listen and she better express her opinion

    I really enjoyed your article it was great. I made sure my wife read it and the first thing she clone go to the department store I need to shop for a dress and shoes, I just look at her and she said got you!

  • In reply to BullySixChicago:

    Let me begin by saying I truly appreciate you reading my stuff. Most people think I am insane so to find that someone thinks I am funny is awesome. Please share this and check back often as my mind is always full of craziness! Peace Out! Joy

  • In reply to Joy Sinegar:

    Insane now that's a little deep to believe that a person is insane because of their opinion unless it' harmful or attacks on other individuals.

    Right now in politics we have a lot of that going on, and many people are following and believing some insane remarks by people who want to lead the nation.

    But from just reading one of your articles you won't let the uninformed or distractions from those who to label you from voicing your opinion on whatever you choose to write about

  • In reply to BullySixChicago:

    Thanks..but i do speak bad of individuals...Canadians. I received death threats because of it but i realize that the moment i start filtering everything i say will be the day i stop writing. My craft is too important to me to do that. thanks!!!

  • In reply to Joy Sinegar:

    So you speak bad of individuals big deal they cant take the bad talk then they should stop reading your articles.

    We all speak or think bad of people, I can recall many times I have seen the wrong person in spandex and I would laugh and say either to myself or whoever I was with me damn you see that sh*t.

    I am pretty sure I have recieved some of the same statements about me as well. But any time you cant take it or dish it out you become just another body moving through life.

    But anyone that bring death threats they have other issues and they are in need of some serious mental help.

    I have understood as we go through life we will have the bad, good and the ugly said about ourselves and we will have the same to say about others.

    If you allow them to change how you write I am going to give you a south side azz whipping, and you know that sh*t hurts

  • Interesting article. For me, it's not a woman knowing sports, it's knowing horror movies and books. If you're expecting me to sit through a Tyler Perry movie with you, you'd DAMN better be ready to sit through a George Romero one with me (in case you don't know who Romero is, he's responsible for the LIVING DEAD movies). I'm trying to figure out the saying and I can't do it: What's meaning of "The one with the closed mouth is the one with the sore asshole"?

  • In reply to Tresix:

    Thanks TreSix..horror movies are a given but knowing a little about sports goes a long way.

    Now the asshole saying: In my dad's school of thought, if you don't open your mouth and speak for yourself, you'll get screwed every time.
    Thanks so much for reading. Please share!

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