You've been out drinking and this is about the time your head starts to spin.
Your designated driver hates you.
You keep saying, "I love you, man!"
Someone keeps spinning the ceiling.
It's 2:00 AM, do you know where your appetite is?
It is true, eating a good solid meal and downing two to three bottles of water or gatorade hours before going out for drinks can help you later on. The presence of food in the belly slows the absorbtion of alcohol into the bloodstream which can delay the craziness.
Eating a bit may stop you from pissing in the plant outside your buddy's house because it looked like a urinal.
And fluids keep you hydrated and less likely to have a horrible headache since those brain thumpers are due to the dehydration caused by drinking more than a "few".
However, you only ate a donut about 11 hours ago. And you can't even remember if you drank anything today. Your body has absorbed that alcohol like a sponge and personality-wise you are somewhere between douchebag and whore. Not pretty.
Even though you feel like someone has begun tap dancing in your lower bowels, you may want to put some food in your stomach since eating fuels your metabolism which helps churn that alcohol out of your system faster.
With food, you will be less likely to have a horrible hangover the morning after.
Here is my list of where you can go to get your food fix and fight LA CRUDA.
5. Lawrence's Fisheries: 2120 S. Canal Street, Chicago, IL
This place is open 24/7 so you can't go wrong. Mounds of fried shrimp with yummy cocktail sauce will do your stomach just right. A half order is about 7 bucks so you can't go wrong. If seafood isn't your thing, go for an order of jumbo wings. Lawrence's also has a selection of nice sides, delectable sandwiches and dessert too. Plus, you can add fries to any item for a small charge.
4. White Castle: 3457 S. King Drive, Chicago, IL
Another 24 hour joint that brings back nostalgia. A few sliders might be just what you need to keep your "cookies" under control. Try to be within 50 feet of a bathroom just as a precaution.
3. White Palace Grill: 1150 S. Canal, Chicago, IL
Another all-night food fest begins here. The White Palace Grill has been around since 1939 and has always been open 365 days a year. The waitresses are friendly and that's exactly what a drunk like you needs. Whether it is a homestyle breakfast you crave or tender short ribs, White Palace Grill kills all of your late night hunger growls. The menu items are reasonable and there are nightly specials too!
2. Clarke's Hyde Park: 1451 E. 53rd Street, Chicago, IL
Clarke's has finally come to Hyde Park with the largest portions you've ever seen. For the glutton of a drunk, any hamburger can be topped with a fried egg. A steaming bowl of homestyle chicken soup can calm the churning in your tummy and keep you focused enough to tell a joke that actually makes sense. Open 24 hours, Clarke's is a diner that is worth the drive.
1.1. Jim's Original 1250 S. Union, Chicago, IL
Jim's near Maxwell Street is your #1 go-to place for the late night grease pill that makes your stomach smile after a hard night of drinking. This stand is THE original home of the Maxwell Street Polish and has a 70+ year history. The grilled onions piled high on top of a slick Vienna beef polish with mustard and peppers make the night epic. The best part is that anything you buy from Jim's comes with an order of freshly fried golden french fries. Follow the smells to 1250 S. Union right off of 90/94 any day of the week 24 hours a day.
Please make it a point to visit one or all of the locales from my list any given weekend. I am sure you'll thank me. Feel free to leave your comments in the section below and while you're at it, follow me on Twitter @TheRealJoyRene.
Eat On Friends, Eat On.
Yep! You're welcome!