Why Moving To Canada Is A Horrible Idea: A South Sider's Perspective

Why Moving To Canada Is A Horrible Idea: A South Sider's Perspective
Yep..

Since ObamaCare has been everywhere in the news the past few days, I've seen several social media commentaries from those that oppose the health care plan. They vow to move to Canada because they see that "America is falling apart." Their logic concludes that Canada is a better place for Americans looking for change. I don't agree that moving to the north is the answer. I have been to Canada at least three times and those trips there have solidified, for me, that Canada sucks!

Seriously..It does.

Let me begin by apologizing to any Canadians that may be living stateside. I know it isn't your fault that your country sucks and I am sure if you could waive a magic wand to change this, you likely would. I guess you're here waiting until you're able to apply for citizenship. So, you can stop reading now and get back to studying for your naturalization exam.

Good Luck (and thanks for Alan Thicke & William Shatner).

Alan Thicke
William Shatner

Now, Americans, my brothers and sisters! What the hell is wrong with you? What would make you think that Canada is the place to be?

Is it the busloads of people going over the border to get the prescription drugs?

They DO come back, you know?

What about the majestic views of Niagara Falls or the Space Needle in Toronto and the beautiful French architecture in Quebec?

Yes, all very breathtaking, worth seeing..but for the short term.

My gripe with Canada is less political and more common sense...which the country appears to lack.

Before you jump to conclusions, let me tell you that my argument has some solidly based experiences backing it. These are the things that make me happy to be American.

As an American, I know that...

Food Needs Flavor:

I am not sure what Canadian Cuisine (I am not talking French (Quebec), Indian, Italian) is going for in regards to flavor but something is truly missing.

Typical Canadian fare reminds me of English food but with even less flavor(yes, it's possible).

Think of regular fish & chips but with a cigarette put out on them. That's how I imagine it because in Canada, it all has been doused in malt vinegar.

If you're feeling really frisky, you could have your french fries with thick, greasy gravy on top.

And if that doesn't tickle your fancy, you could try Canadian bacon, which really isn't bacon at all.

It's ham..just ham, dammit.



Canadians Sound Funny When They Sing:

Sarah McLachlan and Celine Dion are lovely women. Yet, inquiring minds want to know: Why do they sound like they have a huge bubble in their throats when they sing?

It's like a pseudo-yodel but not cool like Dolores O'Riordian's.

You know how it is: you say something and your voice sounds weird because you have a phlegm bubble there. It's funny, you laugh about it but it goes away.

Celine and Sarah's throat bubble never goes away.

Ever.

I often wonder if using Sarah's song, "In The Arms of An Angel" during those animal cruelty commercials has resulted in more people just changing the channel to be rid of the yodeling instead of giving?

Probably
.

Canadians Don't Think Like Us:

I am sure I'll get a lot of flack on this one but I have to get it off of my chest. It seems to me that Canadians have a different way of thinking that doesn't seem to incorporate any form of common sense:

We went to a crowded pancake house there in Toronto and we were in a group of five.

We were greeted by the waitress who then asked, "How many of ya?" I replied, "Five."

She then proceeded to look around the restaurant and turned back to us and asked, "Do you all want to sit together?"

I thought she was joking and burst into a hearty laugh only to become embarrassed once I found she was serious.

"Ugh, preferably, we would like to sit together.", I sheepishly answered.

My cheeks hurt from the forced smile I had fighting back more laughter.

Seemingly pissed, the waitress sucked her teeth and found us a large enough table.

After being seated, we overheard the same waitress asking a couple with 3 kids the same thing.

Are the kids to sit at one table and the parents at another?

What the hell are they teaching in the classrooms over there?

The nightmare didn't end:

Being searched by border patrol, we were detained and interrogated for what seemed like hours. The officer asked when I had last been to Canada and I told him about 5 years prior.
He then asked what I did on my trip 5 years ago and I mentioned that I went to the casino.

With a stern face, he asked me how my husband and I knew each other.

"We live in the same house, Sir."

The officer's face got red and he asked about our friends, another couple who was traveling with us, "How do you know them."

I replied, "We're friends, Sir."

"How do they know each other?", he asked.

My friend starts to answer and he cuts her off, "I asked the other woman (referring to me), not you?"

The whole while I am thinking, "How the hell am I supposed to know how THEY met?"

"Am I being punked, Sir? Is this a f*cking joke?", I said, irritated.

Imagine this same song and dance for another 45 minutes and we were on our best behavior. It's like watching Mike Tyson on Jeopardy: You're afraid to tell him he's wrong for fear he'll beat the sh*t out of you.

After being allowed entry into Canada, we contemplated turning the van around with signs saying, "Canada Sucks Balls!" and then high-tailing it back to the U.S. We were afraid that we'd be breaking some sort of law so we decided against it.

Anyhow, did I mention that Canadians lack common sense?

Canadians Tax The Hell Out Of You:

The Queen has taught Canada the art of pimping the commoner. Everything is taxed several times over!

There's a provincial tax, a government tax, a liquor tax (10%), a lodging tax (4-5%). So, even if a Canadian dollar = $1 to every .98 of an American dollar (which it is), you are still paying much more in Canada.

Let's say, you buy a steak dinner for $25 CD and buy a beer for $4 CD, you rent a room for $100 CD. Your total is $129 CD. However, you will pay .40 tax for the beer, $40 tax for the room BEFORE any provincial tax and/or government tax is added. You just paid well over 10 times the tax you would have paid in the tax circus we know here in Chicago.

Your money would do better in Mexico.

Hopefully, I have stopped you from making the biggest mistake of your life. Canada is not the place to go if you are seeking reform. We live in a land of free speech and your voice is a strong weapon against anything that you feel needs change.

Fight for that change here before going to a country that finds women singing through phlegm throat bubbles the best thing since sliced Canadian bacon (which is ham, dammit).

Feel free to leave your comments in the space below and while you're at it, follow me on Twitter @TheRealJoyRene. Like me on Facebook too at http://www.facebook.com/joyrsinegar

Yep, You're Welcome!

Comments

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  • I take it you weren't in Toronto. I have. You probably have watched too much of the McKenzie Brothers. I'm sure there are not a lot of Canadians who want to move to, say, Grand Boulevard or Grand Crossing.

    However the premise you cite for the others "I've seen several social media commentaries from those that oppose the health care plan. They vow to move to Canada because they see that 'America is falling apart.'"

    What do they think they have in Canada? It is socialized medicine. Snowbirds come down to Florida because they have to wait in line to get surgery in Canada.

    But, I suppose that they are the same people who believe that Romney will repeal Obamacare because Obamacare is based on Romneycare.

  • In reply to jack:

    Hi,
    The incidents took place in Toronto and Windsor. Regardless of whether or not Canadians have a desire to migrate here, Americans have zero benefit to go there. Of course, I am making fun of the superficial aspects but the fundamental ones still are not what, in my opinion, would give an incentive to renounce citizenship and pursue life there.
    I really like your comment. Thanks so much for reading.
    Joy

  • Canadians Don't Think Like Us:

    Maybe it is because they are a different country and not the 51st state. As for your border interrogation, the only reason for those hassles is because the Canadians are trying to accomodate American paranoia .

    One part of your diatribe is factually incorrect: taxes. you state: "However, you will pay .40 tax for the beer, $40 tax for the room BEFORE any provincial tax and/or government tax is added. You just paid well over 10 times the tax you would have paid in the tax circus we know here in Chicago. "

    taxes on hotel rooms in Toronto are 13%, not 40% as per your math challenged analysis. Are you a product of CPS? Are you the product of my years of paying property taxes? Maybe I should consider moving up north.
    One more thing: a 40 cent tax on a $4 beer is a 10% tax ,not times what we pay in Chicago. You are either not buying your own drinks or not looking at the receipts.

    I could say more in defense of Canada but I won't. I have been thinking about moving there. I am afraid I might change your mind and you might visit more often. However there is no danger of you moving there. The Canadian citizenship test has a math component.

  • Sure there is an error in my math, thanks for catching. However, there is still a provincial tax layered on top of any other tax allocations.

    Just an fyi though, Canadan immigration has turned away families with members who have physical and mental (even autism and downs) disorders because of the excessive need of care. Americans want to jump ship thinking the healthcare structure is better when the average wait is 4 to 6 Weeks to get diagnostic results back (including biopsies). Meanwhile, the cancer is spreading.

    A flu shot can have you out of the office for three days just waiting to be seen.

    Sounds like Russia during the days of bread lines and shoe rations.

    I really hope you go to Canada and have a lovely life there. I just hope you never need to REALLY use their healthcare system.

    Thanks for reading!

  • Aside from this being a silly article based on a few isolated examples, what is truly hilarious is that on the same day the author tweeted "nothing cool comes outta Canada" she also re-tweeted Drake giving his thanks for being named BET's Best Male Hip Hop artist. Guess where Drake is from (and proud of it)? ... Nuff said.

  • In reply to Bobo:

    Well considering I follow the hip-hop circuit, I retweet anything that would be popular to followers who have the same interests. Just like I retweet interesting news, etc

    Again, what I am talking about here are Americans who wish to abandon the U.S. on the logic that Canada is better overall. I picked some superficial aspects of the country in jest. However, there are some cracks in the bigger picture that I didn't even touch because then it becomes serious.

    Unless you read a different post, I never said Canadians shouldn't feel proud of being where they are from. Yet, I think American should be damn proud to be American and not threaten to jump ship because of something they dont agree with. There are platforms to fight for change and we have a voice when many in other countries do not.

    It's comedy and if you don't agree with it, then don't laugh.

    You can draw your own conclusion about what's written here but what I said is in black and white.

    If you don't love America, then go. No one would ever stop you. I just voiced my opinion and that's all it is. :-)

    I really do appreciate and respect your comments.

    Thanks!

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    The restaurant story:
    Something to consider- I'm aware that you might be playing up the cultural ignorance just to make a point, but some cultural differences aren't just trivially impossible to explain. And I'm not convinced that this is something you would only see in Canada.

    Never having visited Canada, I can't pretend to be a reliable source of information, but I can figure out that a lot of restaurants have a limited number of large tables. In America, when a group of 5 comes into a restaurant and only has the option of sitting at a 4-top booth, for example, it's not really that uncommon to see the fifth person pull up a chair from another table. This might just be a huge social faux pas in a Canadian public restaurant, which would mean that whenever a group larger than four comes in and no big tables are available, they might choose to sit in separate booths/tables. They could still be in the same "party," for the sake of argument, because perhaps it's not uncommon for one person to pay the whole bill.

    The family that came in after you jogged something in my memory from when I was growing up. I used to go out to dinner with my best friend's family all the time (all of us entirely American), and her family always separated the kids from the parents. The kids sat in a booth behind or next to the adults, so that the adults could smoke, or after the smoking bans took place, mainly so that the kids could be annoying amongst themselves while the adults had conversation. Again, all of us were still the same "party" because only one person paid for everyone.

    American servers and hosts/hostesses don't exactly ask everyone this question because it's not common, but it's not the most ridiculous thing to ask if you consider that even a slight difference in what this server encounters on a regular basis might make it as necessary as asking "smoking or non?"

  • In reply to English Roberts:

    Hello there!
    I understand your logic and you likely would be correct if we weren't a party of five with only one very small child in a nonsmoking restaurant .

    I appreciate the comment and your insight!!

    Thanks for reading!
    Joy

  • Just wanted to ask... why are you trying to make yourself look lighter on your profile pic? You're A LOT darker in real life. You should really learn to accept yourself first before others can learn to accept you. :)

  • In reply to Loyd:

    Ugh actually, I am not "a lot darker" in real life. I am a lighter skinned black woman. Thanks for the observation though. I don't remember meeting you in "real life". It's funny to me that some believe that they know a lot about a person when they end up showing they don't know anything at all. For those that TRULY know me know my cultural background and how proud I am of it. Acceptance is a non issue. Its funny, I came back from Mexico golden tanned and people asked me why I was trying to be"darker". Sheesh, damned if I tan, dammed if I don't.

  • Finally, some honesty about a country that I live in !
    And so true about the food... and a word about the health care
    system - you get what you pay for : it's very cheap here, but the
    waiting time is surreal - some years ago I just barely survived
    a long wait for major heart surgery ! I could go on and on...

  • In reply to jamesf:

    I think Americans need to understand that before claiming to jump ship to Canada there is so much they need to be aware of. Thanks, James, for validating.

  • Sorry to hear your experience in Toronto, Joy. It's not normally what Canadians would expect at any restaurant, either, you should have just asked to speak to the Manager and hopefully you indicated your displeasure in the amount of tip you left. (Was it an American franchise operation by any chance? ;) Also, wondering if it is such a 'popular' place that the restaurant feels that patrons are willing to sit down any way - which I agree is ridiculous.)

    To echo the other poster - yes, Border Security on *both* sides of the border has become time-consuming, it may come from the many years of Fox telling the American audience that Canada supposedly harbours 'evil do-ers' after 9/11. Some one needs to get Fox TV a brain, the last time I looked, Boston was *not* a part of Canada.

    Re. the taxes - certain provinces tax more than others. Alberta (out west) used to be tax-free - it still is, provincially, but the federal GST is now 5% (used to be 7%) and the province would probably rescind that, if they had the jurisdiction to do so, but can't.

    I hope you can make it up to Canada out west some time - BC or Alberta, and take in the Rockies (Banff, Lake Louise, Jasper). I don't think you should give up on Canada so soon. Many of us have extended families in the USA and my view, at least, is that both countries have a lot to offer.

    The USA is a great country, as is Canada, IMHO, I'm sorry again that you had such a bad experience up north here. It definitely is not the norm, it's too bad you did not have a Canadian host or two to show you what we really are like. I would gladly volunteer, but not out east. I did part of my schooling in Toronto and it's a nice place to live but would rather raise a family out west.

    Hope you get the chance to come up again.

  • In reply to Kanuck:

    Hi,
    I think I may try to visit Quebec. You wouldn't believe the amount of hate mail I received from Canadians that bordered insane. Thanks for giving me some hope that Canada might be worth a repeat! Cheers!

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    I'm from America, and I couldn't disagree with you more. I have been to Canada on several occasions, and I love the country, and I feel like Americans should be taking notes..

    Your argument shows how ignorant Americans can be. Your issues with the ham, and restaurants are so trivial it makes me sick knowing that there are people like you in America.

    You do realize they are energy independent, they have an excellent public education system, a universal health care system that covers everyone both rich and poor, and not to mention their dollar is worth more that ours.

    Keep bitching about taxes. You can move to Texas with all of your stupid friends, and secede from the nation. We will all be better off.

  • In reply to Dave:

    Thanks for commenting, Dave.

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    Ignorance.
    the exchange rate isn't that bad compared to Europe and I just lived in Europe for the last 10 years. It makes me sick that you say that canada isn't a place to go because they are different from you. That just means you need to get out of the United States and learn some culture... You can't keep that Americanized brain your whole life.

  • In reply to Dara Rodgers:

    It makes me sick when people don't read the whole story and understand why it was written. People were ready to head to Canada because of Obamacare. I didn't even touch upon the whole medical circus that going on in Canada.

    I can tell you are Canadian though so I am sure you know too.

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    Actually if you are a business owner Canada is a very good place to move your business to. They are ranked one of the top nations on economic freedom, even above the U.S. ( especially now). This is the segment that I am hearing from that are moving to Canada. This is from the heritage foundation who keeps the stats on each country's economic freedom score:

    Canada’s economic freedom score is 79.9, making its economy the 6th freest in the 2012 Index. Its overall score is 0.9 point lower than last year, reflecting worsening scores for government size and monetary freedom. Canada continues to be the freest economy in the North America region, though it has dropped just below the cutoff for characterization as a “free” economy.

    The foundations of economic freedom are very strong in Canada, and the economy has emerged from the global economic slowdown relatively unscathed. The rule of law is sustained by an effective and independent court system, ensuring protection of property rights and the equitable application of the commercial code.

    Canada also performs well in other pillars of economic freedom and continues to sharpen its long-term competitiveness. The soundness of public finance has been notable, although government spending has been rising as a share of GDP. Along with open-market policies that support trade and dynamic investment, the efficient regulatory environment facilitates entrepreneurial activity and provides a high degree of certainty for business planning. The steady reduction of the standard corporate tax rate over the past three years has also contributed to Canada’s competitiveness.

    They have above a 90% protection score of private property rights and business freedom score is 96.6 %! That is way higher than Chicago:)

  • In reply to Katerina:

    Good info Katerina

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    I thought it funny :). I actually have thought of jumping ship because of the shape of our educational system. I was worried we wouldn't have enough high school/college graduates so our society would suffer, but I've changed my mind. I'm moving to Germany instead where the person taking care of me can read my prescription and not guess. Don't get me wrong, America has tons of smart people, but we need to pick it up as far as education is concerned.

  • In reply to Marylyn Reich:

    Good luck in Germany and write back and let us know how you're doing!

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    This post doesn't even warrant a somewhat educated response, more than half the things she says aren't true, canadian bacon? Invented by an American, it didn't work so they called it "canadian bacon", in canada we eat bacon in strips kid. idk what kind of canadian food you were snorting but ive lived in both places, duo citizenship and it takes exactly the same so idk what your deal is. We have a far better economy, free health care, wait dont like the free health care? pay for private health care. We're one of the world's top stable economys and the best country for moving to for business based on forbes magazine. you just make yourself look stupid by saying this

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    one trip to toronto and you think you know anything, its hilarious haha, I live in America and I still think canadas better, this post is ridiculous

  • In reply to Colton Manton:

    Oh you posted twice! I am writing of one event. However, I have been to Canada a total of six times. Different areas..some for leisure some for business. So....

  • In reply to Colton Manton:

    Oh and your ip says you're in hi ho Canada! Lol

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    As a business owner and family man with 2 kids, I found Katerina's input to the most valuable being that we're moving to Toronto in June. Everyone else just seemed mad because Joy voiced her OPINION about her visit. We are all adults here, right?

  • In reply to Teddy Holmes:

    Hi,

    Yes, I agree, Katerina's comment was a great one. People do get bent out of shape because my beliefs of the country are different. Another commenter mentioned that it could be in the way I treat others. Honestly, I was very straight-forward and I was cooperative until it just became ridiculous. Anyhow, thanks for reading!

  • fb_avatar

    I HAVE BEEN THERE AND WOULD LIKE TO SAY IT WAS THE BEST.MOST PEOPLE WHO MOVE THERE MOVE INTO A HOUSE NOT A MOTEL.THEY BUY THE FOOD THAT THEY LIKE TO EAT AND COOK IT IN THEIR HOME AND IT IS GOOD.AND YOU SAID THAT YOU TALKED SHIT TO THE BORDER GUARD .THATS WHY YOU WAS TREATED THE WAY YOU WAS.TREAT A TSA OFFICER AT A AIRPORT THAT WAY AND SEE HOW YOU ARE TREATED.IF YOU ACT NICE YOU ARE TREATED NICE.
    AND IF YOU NEED MORE THEN YOU CAN GET IN CANADA THEN COME BACK TO GET IT .JUST LIKE THE PEOPLE WHO GO TO CANADA TO GET MEDS THEN COME BACK .YOU MOVE TO CANADA YOU DO THE SAME .COME TO THE USA TO GET WHAT YOU NEED THEN GO BACK .AND I DON,T THINK THAT PEOPLE THINK THE WAY THAT YOU DO .SO WOULD YOU LIKE TO SIT TOGETHER?JUST SAY YES OR NO THANK YOU .HOW PEOPLE TREAT YOU IS IN PART HOW YOU TREAT THEM.
    CANADA IS A GREAT PLACE TO LIVE .AND YOU WAIT THE USA IS GOING TO LET YOU DOWN SOME DAY AND YOUR JUST GOING TO HAVE TO DEAL WITH IT .IT TAKES THOUSANDS OF PEOPLE WHO FEEL THE WAY THAT YOU DO TO GET ANY THING DONE .AND THAT IS HARDER THEN YOU MAY THINK.
    SO GOOD LUCK WITH OBAMA NOT CARE HEATH CARE

  • In reply to Bubba Marley:

    Hello,
    Firstly, again, how did I treat customs? They treated me this way first only because I was American. So, unless you read another post, I don't know where you got the idea that I sassed someone. Secondly, I highly doubt I would ever get tired of America to the point where I would run to Canada. You boast about free healthcare..but from what I know about you through your statement, you have no friggin clue how piss poor Canadian healthcare is. Essentially, it is free so you get what you pay for. There are people who have to wait 3 months to get initial visits scheduled to a cancer specialist. Cancer? Do you know what cancer can do in 3 months?

    Thirdly, writing in caps doesn't really do anything but make your paragraph seem like a huge run-on sentence.
    Cheers!
    Joy

  • Hey Joy,

    I had to add something so here's a non spell checked sorta post with a few points:
    First off I'm Canadian and happen to have a majority of American family members. My background is one of living in both Countries and I guess about 60/40 the 60% in Canada 40%lived in the U.S.
    I agree with many of your points Joy and Canada is dumb place plus the food is shitty (So ya know Joy we are supplied with subpar beef and chicken and nobody complains). I can only write a short post now but try these out. "Canada love the place hate the people" it's a backwards Country when you cross the border you feel free again.
    Canadians are against each other and follow the Goverment and it seems Americans are against their Goverment and a little more for the people, Say what ya like but an Average Canadian without ever leaving the Country will hate America and Americans it's like an inbred self loathing from being in an invisible cage,muzzled. if you speak your mind in Canada then your hated!
    Your new ideas mocked. In America people stand behind each other and even though it's not realized they are a warm caring and a real bunch that I support as a North American. Oh and if ya don't like my opinions fuck Canada until it grows up and become something other than whiners and filled with self pride type of arrogance. Just sayin it's my opinion's after being here and living through real experiences. regards david

  • In reply to david geo:

    Thanks for the comment, David. You really hit home on some great points. In Canada, I felt stifled. I couldnt speak out about the shit they were doing to me in customs. I just had to accept it.

  • It is about time that the independent nation Canada introduces visa for U.S. citizens. Also, there is no need to have these people immigrate to Canada. Canada has a different culture and history and does not need americanizers.

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