The green line provides transportation service between Harlem Avenue and 63rd Street on the southside of the City. I have taken the green line for work and/or leisure because I still believe that public transportation is an effective and economical means of transport. My friends and family beg to differ and have even staged interventions to get me to stop using public transportation: "Your use of the "L" affects me negatively in so many ways.." Yes, I do drive and I have a valid drivers license (today, at least) but some times, I just want the peace of mind to arrive at my destination without hitting traffic (or the face of a rude cabbie). I do admit it though; the "L" is a dangerous place in which an unsuspecting commuter can fall victim to attacks and other harms. Luckily, I have created this short list of survival tactics to get you from point A to point B.
This is an exclusive list:
Rule #1 - Talking to Yourself is Helpful
Yes, sitting next to an unsuspecting commuter and bursting into a conversation out of nowhere is an effective tactic. I generally start with, "Get your hand out of my pocket!" That gets everyone on edge, especially the person sitting next to you. Another good method is being both individuals in an imaginary telephone conversation:
Me: "I Love You!"
Me: "I'm not ready for a relationship."
Me: "That is unacceptable for me to talk to me like this."
Bonus results are acheived if you use a banana or rolled up newspaper as a phone.
#2. Standing Up Abruptly & Frequently Between Stops
This has always worked when I have had a person sitting on either side of me. I just stand up quickly and say, "Are we there yet?" Then, I sit back down and do it again, "How about now?" Then another time, "C'mon! Now?" It's best if you do it at least 4 times to drive the point home.
3. Read All Books, Newspapers and Magazines...Aloud
Pull out your favorite literature and read, "It was the best of times.." It's best when I turn it into storytime and begin, "Boys and girls, today we're going to read the Chicago Tribune.."
4. Stare, Stare, Stare
Stare piercingly at the person sitting next to you. Keep it up. Pretty soon, they'll blink and when they do yell, "I won!" Do this at least 3 times in a row.
5. Lastly, falling asleep and stretching your legs out across the laps of the people next to you is my favorite. I normally ask whoever is closest to my feet to "work on the corns."
I hope this list has made your commute a little lighter. Now, you can ride the green line like a champ. Leave your thoughts or even other wacky tips in the comments. Follow me on Twitter @TheRealJoyRene and I will return the favor.
Yep, You're Welcome
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