You've read my last post so you could say you & I are on a first name basis. We have the same friends and when we see each other, we do the face-brush-cheek-kiss thing. My point is: You can trust me.
My purpose in your life is to be the friend that gives you good solid advice. Consider me a friend who wants you to enjoy my neck of the woods like a true South Sider. I learned the hard way so you don't have to.
Here we go: This is an exclusive list:
Survival Guide to The South Side: A Quick List
#1. It is okay to ask for samples from the deli counters before buying meats at the grocery store.
It is not okay to stand there with two slices of bread from the bakery section demanding that a "sammich" be made. I didn't know that this was unacceptable. However, I wanted to see if the Boar's Head Pastrami was a good fit with the freshly baked rye I wanted to buy. Please don't do this. Also, biting into apples to check for freshness is apparently a "no-no".
#2. It is perfectly fine to give up your seat to a senior citizen on the bus if all seats are taken.
It is not fine to give up your seat and applaud while saying, "Good for you, you woke up this morning." South Side seniors are not to be messed with. If you don't believe me, see this video here.
Granted, this did not happen in Chicago but if you do a little research on the senior citizen, you'll find out he is from the South Side of Chicago. This senior is so bad he packed his bags to whip ass in another part of the country. The point is, don't be the guy with the bloodied face sans sunglasses. He lost his cool in 5 seconds flat. He actually got the cool beat out of him.
#3. It's alright to pick teams: Cubs, Sox, Bears, Bulls, Blackhawks..and secretly like others.
It's not okay show up at a South Side bar while the Sox are playing and yell, "Go, Yankees!" I've seen this turn into a "300" type of ordeal.
I'm not saying you can't like other teams, I'm just saying you should not tell anyone. You probably should guard that secret next to stealing from your mom's purse and thinking your 2nd cousin was "cute".
Ok, I know that's unreasonable...but I like you and we're good friends. And some times, being unreasonable will keep you safe. Of course, if we are at the bar together, I'll defend you, from afar...further if seniors are involved. I have a lot of cool and I don't want it beat out of me (see tip #2).
I wish you the best of luck on your journey. Hit me up next time you're in my hood!
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Yep, you're welcome..