Yom Kippur Atonement for Chicago Bears' Management

Days of Atonement for Chicago Bears’ Management

I spent a day this last weekend atoning for my transgressions this last year of 5771.

1)   I gave out too many B’s to my graduate students.

2)   I called Terminex to set traps for all the gophers in my organic garden, after re-planting my pepper and tomato plants three times.  Enough was enough.

3)   I continued to make fun of the Cubs, even though my Sox deserved some wrath.

4)   I used more four letter words at everything I did, after Thibodaux coached poorly v. the Heat in Game 5.  The neighbors heard.

5)   I stopped playing Mah Jongg on Fridays because I never won. I hate losing. And I ruined the entire mood for everyone.

6)  I stopped writing my blog because I became too depressed about Chicago sports.  After the Bears lost to the Cheeseheads, my life went downhill. Then the Blackhawks. Then the Bulls. Then the Sox.

7) I stopped calling my family in Chicago – screw it, they rarely call me, so why bother?

Be that as it may, we’ll see what 5772 may bring.  But my sins are nothing compared to the Chicago Bears’ management.  If Angelo, Lovie, or Marsh allowed themselves to be judged by the Almighty, I’d hear them say something like this:

Our God, Forgive us, pardon us, help us atone –

For we are your people, and you are our God, we are your children,

And you are our creator.

We are strong willed and stubborn:       by not signing Matt Forte to a long term well deserved contract

We have harmed others:   by not giving Jay Cutler the protection he needs against any decent pass rush

We have told lies:  by claiming that tonight’s game against the Lions is not a “must win” game

We have treated others with disdain:   by not re-signing Olin Kruetz who was the awesome Center for 13 seasons, made 184 starts, went to 6 Pro-Bowls, & made the NFL 2000 All Decade Team, was a real leader in the clubhouse and for the Offensive Line

We have kept ourselves from change:   by not signing any # 1 receivers for Jay to throw to

We have stirred up enmity:  by enraging our fan base and all local sportscasters on 670 AM, 720 AM, 780AM, 1000 AM, Comcast Sportsnet, Chicago Tribune Live, Chicago ESPN, in your arrogance and narcissism

We have thrown ourselves off course:   by not rushing the ball more than 10 times in our two losses, which do not reflect the identity of any Bears offensive scheme

We have perverted justice:    by not beefing up an offensive line from last season, besides the signing of rookie Carimi, who is already out with injury, and losing Kruetz to the Saints

We have stubbornly rebelled:  by not allowing Cutler to audible at the line of scrimmage if he sees that an opposing defense has already lined up for the play to be called

We have transgressed:  by not calling more play action passes with 2 step drops

We have laughed in scorn:   at how the fans continue to come to see us play, and pay the prices of our tickets

We have kept ourselves from change:  by not putting in FieldTurf to play on, as do other cold weather outdoor stadiums

And, for this, we have been untrue:   for giving our Chicago Bears’ fans hope, at a return to a Super Bowl this season.

We have done wrong and have rebelled:   And so, we were not ready for your help.

Oh really?  You’re never ready. So this South Side Sports Chick says that all will not be forgiven, until the McCaskeys wake up from their slumber and get rid of these bums.

And so it shall be written in this year of 5772.  Only God knows, or the Pope.  Go ask him, even if he is stuck in the Vatican. I wonder whose side he’s on……………Cutler may have to throw a few Hail Marys to get his attention.


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  • I started to believe in the curtain down the middle when I took my girlfriend to a conservative service one year, and she started laughing during the "Al Chayt." Especially at the "We are strong willed and stubborn," while staring at me.

    As far as the Pope, I, in effect commented on him on your Penn State III post.

    As far as "We have stirred up enmity: by enraging our fan base and all local sportscasters on 670 AM, 720 AM, 780AM, 1000 AM" that does apply, as exemplified on 670, when Christmas Eve and Day were populated by Spiegel and Rosner, Arkush and Lidke, Finfer, Shuster, and Rosenbloom, and the question was "How did Bernstein get off?" Then Boers and Holmes were complaining on Rosh Hashanah that Bernstein got off and they didn't. There was also the time when Steve Stone said to Ofman and Rogers "we are only a few short of a minion." Not to mention Kap and Silvy.

    Finally, I don't think that the McClaskeys (as Russ Grimm put it) are Jewish, so they didn't engage in this.

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