Joe Buck and Troy Aikman Pre-Game Show: Bears v. Packers 1-2-11

Joe:  Good afternoon sports fans.  Happy New Year to
everyone.  Troy
and I thank you for joining us today from Green
Bay, Wisconsin, where
the Chicago Bears face the Packers in a game that begins with only one
surprise:  the record of both clubs beginning the last week of this 2010
football season.  

 

Troy:  Yes,
Joe. This is the longest rivalry in NFL history, and today's game  will reflect that intensity, with Packer fans
desperate to seek revenge against an earlier season's loss to their prime
nemesis, the Monsters of the Midway.  Everyone
here, in this Cheese- Head stadium, with its Wisconsin
beer-loving drunkards, uh, citizens, expected to be on top of the NFC North. 
Instead, they are barely hanging on to a playoff spot, and are in complete
disbelief, as we all are, that their main division rivals have clinched the
Division. 

 

Joe:  I know, Troy. I'm with them all
the way. How could anyone have imagined, that their team- high 19 penalties
from that game at Soldier Field on September 27, would have been the deciding factor in a game
where no one expected them to lose? 

 

Troy:  Well, no one that YOU know of.  But my FOX fact finders recently read a
blogger from ChicagoNow, a gorgeous looking woman, called "South Side Sports
Chick," who predicted the outcome BEFORE the game, exactly as it happened that
Monday night.   She called
it: " Robbie Gould will be Gold - Bears by 3." 
Not even the Aaron Rodgers faithful, such as Steve Young, and every
other GQ looking football sportscaster, could have done that.

 

Joe:  And due to a
complete meltdown of last week's Eagles' "wussie" offense, which only
Pennsylvania Governor Rendell predicted, the Favre-less Vikings helped seal a
first round bye for the Bears, in their shocking victory over the Eagles.  To add another coincidence in this
unforgettable saga: it was a Chicago Bears' rookie defensive end, Corey Wooten,
who tackled Favre in the first place, giving him a concussion on the frozen
tundra of the Gopher Hole.  This allowed QB/RB
Joe Webb to lead his miserable Vikings to a shocking victory in the NFL's first
Tuesday night affair. 

 

Troy:  Really now, those Philly Cheesesteaks have had
their fill of unforgettable losses this year. 
They've seen their baseball team taken down by a young, pitching staff
of West Coast stoked-up unknowns; and the faster, younger, Chicago Blackhawks
upending their Flyers in the most unusual NHL finals' overtime losses:   no lamp
was lit for the winning goal!  Rumors
surfaced that some Buffalo,
NY Taxi-Drivers were paid off to
unplug the electricity under that lamp, but they were never substantiated. 

 

Joe:  Well Troy, there
have been a huge number of shocking results this season, not the least of which
your favored Dallas Cowboys bit the dust, as quickly as the Texas Rangers.  The Lone Star playmakers were favored by all
us baseball announcers, to win their first World Series Crown.  Yet, these Rangers were taken' down by those young, upstart San Francisco
Giants.   There definitely was something in their
kool-aid at SBC Park, no doubt about it.  In fact, while talking to Josh Hamilton
before game 3, he reported that the odor out in center field definitely
affected his lack of concentration, both at the plate and in the field. 

 

Troy: Now that's
interesting, because how would you then explain the performance of the SF Giants
outfielders?  They won the World Series, over the Bush Family Oil Men.  California Governor " Moonbeam" Brown campaigned in the dugout with Torres, Ross, Lincecum, & Sanchez.  This definitely helped  pull off the upset of the year. 
   

 

Joe:  Now Troy, back to football here, for our Miller
Lite Commercials and the NFL Robots blasting through our TV screens.   Speaking of another surprise in the NFL this year, and staying in San Francisco, was the record of the 49ers, coached by none other than Samuari Mike Singletary. How can anyone explain his
erratic, moody behavior on the side lines, or his play - calling?  After beating the Bears last year, on a last minute interception of a Cutler pass in the end-zone,  every NFL junkie choose Coach Singletary,
star middle Line-backer of the 1985 Bears, to win the NFC West this year.  And now, we may even have a team in the
playoffs with no better than a .500 win - loss record.  Where is Goddell on this one?     

 

Troy: Goddell is
stuck in the snow at 280 Park Ave.,
thanking Mayor Bloomberg for his troubles. 
You'd think he would remember what happened to his counter-part in Chicago, ex- Mayor
Bilandic, on this one. But really, let's return to the playoffs here.  I agree completely with you Joe.  We'll have the Rams or Seahawks possibly hosting
the Packers, which I'm quite certain Aaron Rogers and Mike McCarthy can only
hope for.  And this is why the game is so
important today.  I bet we'd see plenty
of Cheese Heads, compliments of their newly elected Republican Governor AND
Senator, traveling to Seattle or St. Louis.  I'm quite certain there's plenty of money
going around, especially by ex-convict "Casino Jack", uh that is,
Jack Abramoff, to foot the bill for these Packer fans going on the road with
their team.

 

Joe:  If only the Packers
can remain focused today, we know they can beat the Bears, who have had lucky
breaks and performed miserably at times this season.  For instance, how do you explain the New York
Giants, whom everyone picked to be among the elite teams this year?  Just watching them pick apart the Bears led
all of us to believe we were seeing the true colors of both teams for that game
on October 3. 

 

Troy:  Right you are.  And yet the Packers can only hope that the NY
Giants lose to the Redskins, now on a winning streak with none-other than Rex
Grossman, as their QB.  It was just a few
years ago that Lovie Smith made good on his promise to "Beat the Packers," on
their way  to the Super Bowl. Instead of
going for Rex's head, as they did in 2005, the Cheese Heads are praying for it
to stay on straight, for just one more game now. If it doesn't, then Rush
Limbaugh's favorite QB may have to make a return appearance for his curtain
call in DC land. 

 

Joe:  Troy, I'm getting an earful in my headset,
that we're wandering too far off the subject now, so we're taking a 10 second
break to identify our local stations. 
We'll be right back.

 

Whew, that's better.  So
why is it that every time we talk about the Chicago Bears, we somehow go off on
these political and social-type commentaries? 
 Help me out here Troy, I'm really at a loss here.

 

Joe:  Welcome back
folks.  Troy was just reminding me that we do have
some points to make about the Chicago Bears, the NFC North Division Champs for
2010.  They have 4 players going to the Pro
Bowl, none other than their 3 main men on defense: Julius Peppers, Lance
Briggs, consummate Middle Linebacker Brian Urlacher, and Special Teams' star
Devin Hester, who we all know by now, has set the record for NFL TD
returns.  Why do you think teams still
kick to him Troy,
knowing full well he'll run it back, or give the Bears terrific field position?

 

Troy:  Well, as we all know, Rex Ryan is a dumb-ass
arrogant coach, who would rather go "toe-to-toe" with his opponents, than
simply play smart football.  And rumor
has it that Leslie Frazier, another ex-Bear on the 1985 Super Bowl team, had
already felt what Chilly did regarding Favre's 15 commandments, and therefore,
secretly wanted to "stick-it" to Mr. Wrangler, a la Chicago Bear style.  So for him, it was more of a laissez-faire
decision - whatever happens, happens. Frazier figured to simply let Favre get
taken down, due to his loyalty for the Bears, period. 

 

Joe:  Now that we have
that settled, what are your predictions for this game?  Both teams have a lot to play for, although
I'd say Green Bay
obviously needs this more than the Bears.

 

Troy:  Not really, Joe.  The Bears are playing for a season 6-0 record
vs. their Division rivals, accomplished last in 1987 by the great Chicago Bears
team at that time.  The Bears are playing
for respect by the league and fans around the country, least of which is you,
included.  The Bears are playing for
ghosts from the past:  Lombardi v.
Halas.  The Bears are playing to win, and
"strut their stuff," especially since they may see these Packers in the
playoffs once again in Soldier Field. 

 

Finally, the Bears are playing for Mayor Daley, in the last year
of his honorable service to the city, a mayor who provided the leadership to
make Chicago the most "Green" city in the United States.  This set of values, by the "City of Broad Shoulders," truly sets it apart from Wisconsin, whose newly elected Governor returned $810
million in federal transportation funds, which were pegged to build a
high-speed railroad between Madison and Milwaukee
. Governor
Walker reportedly did not believe the project was necessary. 

 

Joe:  Wow, Troy.  So where does the Obama Administration send
that money now?  Into Rahm's bid to
continue Hizzoner's programs? 

 

Troy:  I'm told that much of
it is going to California, to fund the High Speed Bullet train, connecting San
Francisco to Los Angeles, and the Central Valley - over 600 miles.   I'd
say it's a great reward, in a sense, for the Sports World, to recognize California's one and
only Stanford Cardinal Women, in their victory over the UConn women in college
basketball. There's no better way to do it than by setting an example of
sending the money where it won't just go up in smoke. 

 

Joe:  Troy, you have always impressed me with your
knowledge of the NFL, football, and now, current politics.  Where DO you get your facts from?  Does FOX know who your "deep throat" could
possibly be?  I can't imagine not having
you to correct my mistakes or provide the professional commentary that makes
me, uh, us, look so good. 

 

Troy:  It's no secret anymore, Joe.  It's this chick from the south side of Chicago.  Her love of sports, politics, sports culture,
and knowledge of the games can be rather interesting.  And I bet if Tony Kornheiser would make a few
comments on the way she dresses, after viewing her home page, it could
certainly please his image makers, his paycheck, his wife, and ESPN.  I only wish that Rupert would consider hiring
her.

 

Joe:  What would she do, Troy?  Baseball, football, basketball, hockey?  The World Series?  The Super Bowl?  We can't let a woman in the booth, Troy. That's my job;  for men, period.  Her only role is on the field, interviewing
the players and coaches. Or, she can be out in front of the stadiums, greeting
the fans.  If she's from Chicago,
I'm sure she's used to the weather at Soldier Field,
U.S. Cellular, the Madhouse
on Madison, or
Wrigley Field. 

 

Troy:  Joe, did you hear me say she's from the South
Side?  Are you listening?  I can't imagine her going anywhere near a yellow
plastic noodle. But we're not there now. 
We're here in Green Bay,
and have a game to announce.

 

Joe:  And that we do
folks. If you're a Bears' fan, you want to win this game today, and come
out ahead with no injuries. You already have a bye week, and will face the opposition on
Martin Luther King weekend in Soldier Field, exposed to all the elements with your fan base chanting "Bear Down!" 

 

So, to complete our pre-game show:  What Bear fans finally hope for, besides
victory today, is a NY Giants victory. 
Then, they can send the Packers packin' till next season, and Aaron
Rodgers can go home to his parents, family, and friends in Chico, California.
By the way Troy,
do you think anyone here knows where Chico is?

 

Troy:  I'm not sure, Joe.  But I could go do some fact checking. 

 

Twitter handle:  southsidejanice

 

Leave a comment