Why you're single: A response to Marriage Isn't for You

Why you're single: A response to Marriage Isn't for You

Have you read Seth Adam Smith’s blog post Marriage isn't for you? If you’re single, you should. If you’re married you should. And if you ask yourself daily, “Why am I still single,” then you need to print it out and tape it to your bathroom mirror. Here’s the synopsis; you’re the problem! You are selfish and looking for someone to make you happy. Stop it!

The post begins with Seth revealing that he’s been married for a year and a half and has come to the realization that marriage is not for him. Right then, the reader’s heart sinks. Seth leads us to believe that he is going to leave his new wife, the poor girl that he’s been dating since they were 15 years old.

When you read the first paragraph, you hold your breath waiting to figure out why this a-hole is going to leave his wife, his best friend. And then he lets the reader off the hook. He tells us that his father passed on some good advice when Seth was seriously trying to decide if he will marry.  Seth’s dad shared with him that marriage is “not about him, it’s about his wife, and it’s about family.”

Damn I wish I had read this post a few boyfriends ago!

Seth goes on to share this tender story about coming to understand how marriage works. I’m not sure if this was his intention, but Seth’s story is a cautionary tale for single people who want to be married. READ THIS ALL YOU SINGLE LADIES AND GENTS OR BE SINGLE FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE!

Here’s a list of advice for single people according to Seth Adam Smith’s Dad, Relationship Whisperer.

1.     “Marriage is not about you:  You don’t marry to make yourself happy, you marry to make someone else happy!"

What??? You talkin’ to me? Yeah you! A few years ago, I started interviewing single men and women for a book that promises to answer the question, “Why we are single.” I interviewed about twenty or so singles. When I asked, “what are you looking for?” I can’t recall one person saying “I’m looking for a girl/guy I can make happy!” The answers were always “I want someone who will make me happy” or “I want someone who wants what I want.” Question for Seth and his dad; is it possible to take the I out of marriage?

Here’s where it gets really DEEP!

Seth’s Dad goes on the say, “Marriage isn't for yourself, you are marrying for family. Not just for the in-laws and all of that nonsense, but for your future children. Who do you want to help you raise them? Who do you want to influence them?  Marriage isn't for you. It’s not about you. Marriage is about the person you marry!”

At this point in the blog, most readers are having an “ah hell moment.”  An ah hell moment is when you think, “ah hell I've had this wrong for the past 20 years!” I have a group of friends who have good marriages. When I ask them what they love about their wives or husbands, “how he/she takes care of my child/children” is always on the list.

“The right person is,” according to Seth’s Dad is “the person you want to make happy; to see her (him) smile every day, to make her (him) laugh every day. The person who you want to be a part of their family, and your family wants her to be a part of yours.”

So now you’re probably remembering that great ex who’s now married with children. You’re thinking, why did I let her/him go? Well Seth takes over for his Dad and drops the bomb!

 2.     “We have a “Walmart philosophy”, which is if it doesn't make you happy you can take it back and get a new one.”

 Who me? Yup you and me! I think internet dating has given singles a false sense of confidence. We believe there are plenty of fish in the sea. When a relationship goes bad, how many of you think, one down twenty more to go, or another twenty will show up in my inbox next week. Seth’s Dad, when you've grown up believing that dating is a number’s game, how do you focus on one frog?

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 So here’s the final bit of advice from Senior and Junior…

 3.     “… a true marriage (and true love) is never about you. It’s about the person you love—their wants, their needs, their hopes, and their dreams. Selfishness demands, “What’s in it for me?”, while Love asks, “What can I give?”

 I've always seen myself as a relationship guru. I’m great at helping my friends get dates and helping them stay focused on their relationships. I date great guys, but why am I still single?  The answer, I have learned from the Seth and hid dad is my search has been about me. I've been looking for someone who “will not get in my way.” My  thought process has been; I have things to do, help me to do them and we can focus on this relationship when I’m done! Ah hell!!!! Thank you Seth and Seth’s Dad, it’s only in our giving that we realize what we get back.  Let me try “what can I give”? I’ll let you know how it goes!

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