Your online match has man boobs: 5 signs to watch for

Your online match has man boobs: 5 signs to watch for

I’m writing this post because I want to help women. I consider this a public service. Please, I am no hero.  I’m here to serve. I’m here for you ladies who are searching for love in an environment of smoke and mirrors.  You are welcome.   The Background: I recently received a selfie from an online match. Joe and I had been virtual dating for about three weeks when during a stimulating conversation via text, he sent me the final photo.  There he was, my boyfriend-to-be leaning back on our patio-to-be in a fitted white-t with the perfect set of H&M bikini breasts. I mean perfect, independent tits that needed no assistance staying up. They sat high and proud while my excitement deflated beneath their mockery. How did I miss Joe’s jugs? I quickly ended our conversation and searched his profile pictures for clues of his moobs. Ladies, I don’t want you to have to suffer a trauma like mine, so here are five signs that your online match has man boobs. Wikipedia: Gynecomastia /ˌɡnɨkɵˈmæstiə/ (derogatory terms include moobs [for male boobs] and bitch tits) is the benign enlargement of breast tissue in males… The signs: 5. Is he wearing stiff, collared over-sized cotton or flannel shirts in all of his pictures? Men are vain.  If there isn’t at least one profile picture where he is wearing a flattering t-shirt that shows off his pecks, this is a clue that there is a high chance of man bumps.   4. Does he layer? Layering is a great technique for hiding unwanted bulges. Is he wearing an undershirt in every picture? Beware he probably has a boy rack!   3. So you can’t tell if he layers because he is preppy or is hiding his man rack? Check the color of his undershirt. Is the undershirt “nude” or a "flesh" color? If yes, he’s wearing a compression t-shirt. Compression t-shirts are “man-Spanx.” These modern girdles provide a firm hold without suffocating man boobs. If your match is African American and is wearing a light colored shirt, it will be very easy to tell if he’s wearing a compression-t, since “man-Spanx” are not manufactured in shades of brown. 2. Look for awkward bulges. I recently wore  Spanx boy shorts when I should have worn a Spanx slip. I spent a night trying to manage side bulges. A side, front or back bulge occurs when your Spanx malfunctions by squeezing you a little too tight causing an unattractive shifting protrusion. Look for these bulges around his back and shoulder area, it’s a clear sign that he is hiding male knockers. 1. And the best way to tell if your online match has man boobs… if you text him a picture of yourself in a bikini top and he texts back, “wait till you see mine.” Your online match has man boobs! Did you like my post? Then like my Facebook page! You know you want to! Type your email address in the box and click the "create subscription" button. My list is completely spam free, and you can opt out at any time.

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