My husband and I have come to the realization that some days are better than others. We used to get caught up on the bad days, feeling paralyzed in our negativity. And then, when the good days came, we'd feel a weight lift, like everything would always be okay. Inevitably, though, we'd have another bad day, and get down on ourselves...
These kids fight constantly. They're going to be the adult siblings that never speak to each other.
Wow- I can't believe how well they're building that Lego tower together. They're definitely going to vacation together when they're older!
We're having the same argument again. Are we just always going to resent each other?
Oh my gosh- he's making me laugh so hard. Maybe we can get the pre-kids "us" back!
This baby is never going to sleep through the night...
Huh- the baby hasn't woken in the night in forever. This is amazing!
Never. Definitely. Always.
The problem with these statements- even the good ones- is that they're absolutes. They project a reality, when, in reality, we don't know what the future will bring.
(And the pre-kids "us" will never be our reality again. That is an absolute that I know for certain.)
We're working on being better about all of this: not wallowing when things are bad, and not over-rejoicing when things are good. By no means have we perfected this, but we're finding that it helps our morning, then our day, then our weekend, then our week.
Over winter break, we had a particularly shitty experience with the kids when our stay-cation did not go as planned. We were just spending an evening and morning in a hotel 10 minutes from home. The evening went fine, but then the baby was throwing up in the night and woke super early. At breakfast, they didn't have pancakes and waffles as promised (oh, the horror!), and the boys kept overfilling, and then, consequently spilling, their cereal. Even with cartoons blaring on the t.v., two out of the three kids were either screaming, or crying, or complaining.
We were all in foul moods, so without visiting the pool a second time, we just went home. I thought that we had failed, that my husband would never want to do this again, and that the day was ruined.
In reality, we got home earlier than expected. We decided that this would be a good day to take down all of our Christmas decorations, and we had a very productive morning. The baby napped well at home, in his own crib, while the two older ones watched a movie on our couch. My husband fit in a workout, and I finally got to clean up the aftermath of Christmas, New Years, and having the whole family home for two weeks straight.
"It had been a good day," I thought to myself. But, really...
We had bad moments. We had good moments. What made the day better, though, was that, this time, we didn't let the bad define the good. The tone was set to not enjoy this day, but we turned it around. We changed the scenery and our plans, and in doing so, we changed our mindset.
Some days are better than others. And the moments within those days are always changing. I know that the bad ones will pass, and I'm grateful for the good ones.