12 reasons why 60 is NOT the new 40


I turned 60 on my last birthday, and while I would agree that my generation is in much better shape, more active physically and mentally than my parents' generation, I still think that the idea that 60 is the new 40 is a load of crap. I remember how I felt at 40 and it was not this. So, without further ado, here is my take on the entire aging thing:

at 40, I could lift a ton of bricks
at 60, I feel like someone dropped a ton of bricks on me

at 40, I felt like a million bucks
at 60, I feel like a penny on the rail

at 40, I had abs of steel
at 60, I had my abs stolen and big gobs of fat were left in its place

at 40, I could carry heavy bags
at 60, the heavy bags are now appearing under my eyes

at 40, I only had dimples in my cheeks
at 60, I have dimples in my cheeks...and my other cheeks

at 40, I could fall asleep easily and awake refreshed
at 60, what sleep?

at 40, I could walk 3 miles in an hour and it was fun
at 60, it's become the Bataan Death March

at 40, I watched The Bionic Woman
at 60, I AM The Bionic Woman; titanium plates and screws in my neck
after spinal cord surgery

She don't look too good...

at 40, south is a direction and the opposite of north
at 60, south is where my jowls, chins, shoulders and boobs have gone

at 40, my metabolism was crankin' and kept my stomach flat
at 60, what metabolism?

at 40, my knees were happy and worked like a well-oiled machine
at 60, I have to walk upstairs one at a time

at 40, I was conscious of the styles and fashion
at 60, it's all about comfort and trying to camouflage certain body

Thank you, thank you. I'll be here til Thursday. Try the veal...


My husband, Martin, and I have aged together over the past 37 years and while that is very cool, it ain't that pretty. We both make what we describe as "old people noises" when trying to extricate ourselves from any low slung chair or sofa. We have discussed the idea of compiling a soundtrack called "Symphony of Old People Noises." I think it would be hilarious. Ya gotta laugh...or you would cry.

Are there any other Boomers who want to jump in here with any more suggestions to add to the list?

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