5 Tips for Watching Hockey w/ A Girlfriend

5 Tips for Watching Hockey w/ A Girlfriend

Hockey is BACK! And damn does it feel good. By Jan 15th or 19th we'll be looking at a 48-50 game season crammed into the next few months. What this means for us hockey fans? Tons of awesome face-offs, checks, goals and fights to look forward to.

With the football season winding to a close your girlfriend is probably thinking, "finally! some time that we can spend together doing stuff around the house, or going to Michael's. There are so many things I've found on Pintrest that I can't wait to do together!" Errrrrrr, screeching halt! Puck drop, bitches!

So now let's talk about a few ways to try and get your girlfriend involved in your hockey addiction; or, at the very least, bribing her.

#1) Explain the Rules
It's been my experience that the majority of people who aren't really into hockey, don't understand hockey. They think it's just a giant air hockey table full of people chasing a puck around on the ice like a pack of coyotes chasing after a penguin (stretching for the hockey team reference there, I know!). Only, in hockey, she's not going to cry when the coyote actually catches the penguin.

Give her a quick breakdown of the zone, offsides, power plays and penalty kills. Talk about legal and illegal hits, goalie interference, how the game doesn't stop to swap in new players, stuff like that. With scoring in hockey being fairly minimal (usually), I think people get bored because they don't feel there's much excitement with the game (may I suggest "shot per goal!"). Once she knows what's going on with each play, she'll have more to look for, more to watch and more to get excited about.

#2) Take Her to a Hockey Game

couple-at-chicago-blackhawks-game
Photo source: Rare Dirndln

You know you want to go to, so just surprise her and take her too. Get her there, in the excitement, and in the action. Who WOULDN'T have fun at a hockey game? If she doesn't, well, just get her really, really drunk and see how the rest of your night goes.

You have a couple beers, some hot dogs, some Star Spangled Banner up in your auriculars. The horn when they score, everybody jumping in the pile together, other awesome fans, AND, if you're at the Madhouse on Madison, good ol' "Chelsea Dagger" roaring through the stadium every time that puck ends up in the back of the other team's goal. By the end of it, she should have more of an appreciation for the sport and a little more connection to the players. Especially if you had good seats. Which, if you have good seats...you can always bring me along too!

#3) Make Her Watch "Miracle"
disney-movie-poster-miracleI know a lot of people will argue movies like Slapshot, or Mystery Alaska as the greatest hockey movies; personally, Miracle is the way to go. Yes, I understand it's Kurt Russell, of "Overboard" fame, AND it's a Disney movie, but oh so good.

Breaks down portions of the game, a little backstory regarding them being a family and the camaraderie (not to be confused with the Comrades they face in the movie). Great angles, good plot points and super exciting. Even a little emotional at points....I bet she cries...I did...not...let anybody see me cry.

#4) Bribe Her
Back when I was just a boy, I would tag along with my father to the bowling alley on Thursday nights. When you're a chubby little 10yr old just hanging out at a men's league bowling game, not much to do except play the arcade games that were there. Those, however, cost money. Rather than just giving me $5 and telling me to run along, my father made a deal with me.

For every strike he threw, I'd get a dime. If he threw 2 strikes in a row I'd get a quarter, and then a quarter for each additional strike he strung together. Before I knew it, I was spending more time sitting there cheering him on than I was playing video games. Smart man that father of mine.

For hockey, you're in luck that it's generally a rather low scoring game. Agree to take the dog out the next "however many times" for each goal scored. Maybe it's cleaning the litter box (though, why you'd have cats is beyond me!), taking out the trash, emptying the dishwasher, giving her a massage or making dinner. Sometimes, you can even get away with making dinner or giving her a massage WHILE watching the game. You'll look like a super sweet heart! Either way, pay her off, man! Pay her off.

#5) Show her a Picture of Patrick Sharp
Patrick-Sharp-Chicago-magazine-coverIt's a man's sport, and girls love men. Not whiny little girls wearing skinny pants and scarves, a man. A man who drinks beer, eats greasy food, carries her into the bedroom and who will beat the hell out of any body who messes with her. A man! Show her some pictures of the men skating around underneath those pads and it'll definitely peak her interest a little more.

In closing, I think we can all agree we're ecstatic to have hockey back in our lives. All we want to do is share it with our significant others. We want them to feel our pain, our excitement and our triumph. If we're in Chicago, we want them to hate Vancouver just as much as we do. If they're in Pittsburgh, we want them to despise the Flyers as much as humanly possible.

Now me, I'm just one man trying to help my fellow man. Maybe your girl is already into sports, awesome. Maybe you've got some better ways, or a better hockey movie. Please share! Because as much as I'm giving advice...well, my basketball fan of a girlfriend still needs more coaxing.

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