Hanging out with my 3yr old niece has been quite the interesting experience as I've started to notice some new trends in children's programming. I knew what I grew up with, and it wasn't shows like 16 & pregnant. It was shows like Inspector Gadget, Ninja Turtles or Chip 'N Dales Rescue Rangers. Sometimes, I'd have to hang out with female cousins and that lead to Care Bears, Strawberry Shortcake or My Little Pony. So when my niece started watching the same shows, I had to do a double take. Well, a double take and some research. Alright, a double take, a research and then this blog.
Have you SEEN what these 20+ year old cartoon characters look like now?! In case you haven't, allow me to share.
My Little Pony
These pretty little ponies went from a bunch of healthy looking young horses to a group of emaciated infant whores! Streaks in their hair, big batty eye lashes. These girls are gonna be looking to hit up a salon at 9 years old just to get highlights and probably started on a prescription of Latisse. Like, I'm not crazy here, am I? The new little ponies look WAY trashier.
We all remember the Care Bears. Cute little plumpy, cuddly bears. You just want to take them home and have your own little pack of them. Just...just look how loving and happy they are with their full bellies that contain all of their magic. New Care Bears...not so much.
Now they're apparently anorexic and not eating before hibernation because they'll burn way more calories that way. They're thinner, younger and apparently way happier. Well...except for Grumpy...he's still Grumpy....looking a little more like Emo-y, actually. The yellow one is ready to teach a gym class, the green one is tripping balls and the two in the back are going to "Jack & Rose" swing until they've ground through their teeth with the all the ecstasy they dropped.
Don't you get the feeling that they stopped with the idea of "this is what you want to grow up to be" and instead it's "you're a kid, you're already grown up!" It's like they've lifted the restrictions of youth and now they can just do whatever they want. Which, in this case, is probably going to make them grow up to look a lot more like the bear on the right.
Ahhh, the loveable Strawberry Shortcake. She's cute, she's got friends....wearing jeans and cargo pants and overalls. They're all gonna have a good time together. This, this little diverse group of friends were going to learn about each other and the world.
Now, well shit, looks like they're gonna someone else learn all about them. And I didn't cross dress in high school, so you'll have to forgive my memory here, but wasn't the ruling that the skirt couldn't be above the knees?! But this, THIS group is what little girls are watching. No more boyish one in the group. SHIT, they even made the dark skinned girl LIGHTER skinned. They're skinny, they're fashionable, they're probably botox-ed. It's the new Strawberry Shortcake paving the way for your nieces, daughters, sisters, cousins to...well, c'mon, you already know.
I know for a fact I haven't captured all of them here. I'd love to hear what else I missed!
Filed under: Tips for Life