Alright, get with it. It’s 2012 and we need to start laying down some ground rules here for technology and the female psyche. The old joke of Men Being from Mars and Women Being From Venus doesn’t apply here. We’re rarely in the same solar system together when it comes to emotions, attachments or the simple of “what’s acceptable.” And today, your cell phone probably contains more ideas, than you could possibly think of, that are going to trigger countless nights of arguments, apologies and knuckle children.
Yet this, this image to the right, is exactly what you THINK you're going to find. Like you're some hardy boy diligently working at the case, and finally, THIS is just going to pop up in your hand. You'll revel and think "A-HA! I GOT YOU, YA BASTARD!"
It's rare that you'd ever find concrete evidence. Chances are anything you DO find, your girlfriend/boyfriend will be able to twist around, say that it's not really what you think it is, make up some story and then be a lot more careful in the future what they leave laying around.
Don’t get me wrong, this article isn’t JUST for guys or just for girls, everyone should be following the same protocols because, well, guys can be just as creepy as girls. Enough talking about WHAT I’m going to talk about (ugh! Hate when people do that.) Let’s get to it!
Rule #1) Your passcode lock should not be shared
“But we share everything” NOT THIS! It’s your phone, it’s your business, not theirs. And it’s not because we’re keeping a bunch of secrets from you, “ohhhhh, look at all the awesome ways we’re cheating on you” NO! We’ve got emails, notes, bank account info, facebook and a bunch of other personal items that you just don’t need to be a part of.
And if something were to go missing, do you really want to have the fight of “well, you were the last person on my phone!” You have your own phone, how about you just stay on that. If we want you on our phone, we’ll give you access and even pull up the app you want to use.
Rule #2) Don't ask “oh, who’s it from and what'd they say?”
It’s not for you! If the text was for you, the person would have texted you. OR, holy shit, I would have TOLD YOU it was for you.
It could be a family member, a friend, a colleague, spam, telephone company, inside joke from a buddy that we really don’t feel like explaining, picture of my buddy Matt’s poop (He sends that to you too?!?!), it does not matter, it’s not your place to know EVERY aspect of the other person’s life.
And people don’t like it. Nobody wants someone constantly keeping tabs on them. Where they’re at, who they’re talking to, what app they used last. It’s annoying and WAY to possessive. If it really gets to be a problem, just say something to the person. Ask them later about it. Or, if you think they’re cheating on you...then they probably are and THAT is the problem, not the text messages.
Rule #3) Don’t read incoming text messages on their phone, or over their shoulder
It’s that simple. I call it the “The Text Mess Effect”. Tone, sub-text and sarcasm are rarely related correctly when using a text message. How many times have you gotten upset over a text, or IM, because they either just typed it wrong, or you read it wrong? It’s ridiculous.
Avoid this problem altogether by having your text message notifications just show the words “text message”. On an iPhone go to Settings > Notifications > Messages and set “Show Preview” to “off”. Not even a question. This isn’t a suggestion, it’s a necessity.
As for reading over the shoulder, just, c'mon. Manners, here. Quit breathing all over the person like Jo-Jo on Sonny in A Bronx Tale.
Rule #4) Your Facebook App is Yours
I feel like the biggest reason for this intrusion is that people try and stop people from cheating on them. They feel like if they can control who they’re friends with, or constantly check their Facebook to see who they’re messaging, they can “head off” the cheating before it happens.
And I get it, I get this WANT to keep the person you’re with. Even if they don’t want to be with you, you’d rather have them in your life than not at all. It sucks when you’re grasping onto that with all your might just trying to keep them. Worst shit ever.
Fact of the matter is, if they don’t want to be with you, or they want to cheat on you, they’re going to. People have a really hard time accepting this ideal. Guys and girls alike will trap themselves in this world of thinking their constant worry is normal. UGH! Nobody wants a worrier. Self-confidence, try some.
Rule #5) You Can Take a Photo, but Don’t GO Through Photos
We save all kinds of ridiculously stupid things on our phone. Websites snapshots, pictures of our poop, text message screen caps, license plates, picture of someone else's poop, crowd shoots to zoom in and find out if a chick is cute; but, they’re ours. If we want to show you a picture, or a set of photos, we will. That doesn’t mean you get to look through our whole photo library. Maybe we were prairie doggin' so hardcore some rubbed off in our boxers and we sent a picture to a friend. We opted not to tell you, but now that you're looking at the pic, you're like, "oh, hey...what's this?! And why are they the pair you told me I could wear to bed tonight?!"
It all really boils down to trust, and once it’s broken, or you get an idea in your head, it’s hard to come back from that. Especially once you start letting those insecurities into your dreams and you wake up all pissed off about something you dreamed (isn’t that just the worst?!?).
Our brains like to play tricks on us. It likes to bring us back down and make us think we’re not good enough, or to imagine the worst. And phone intrusion...ugh! Going through someone’s phone, email, Facebook, etc. digging for “evidence” is truly an invasion of their privacy and trust. Think of it this way too, let’s say you go through it and don’t find anything...are you then convinced “oh good, they’re not cheating on me?”
It won’t end. We’re creatures of emotion, not logic. We do NOT think logically, especially when it comes to love and relationships. Have you SEEN the crazy shit people do “for love”? Now this, this whole blog, it’s not meant to solve your problems, it’s meant to help prevent problems. We’re humans, we need space, we need privacy. For thousands of years that privacy has been within our own mind, or the reason we have rooms in houses. Today, it’s in the palm of your hands, but it’s still yours.
Follow these simple rules to stop stupid relationship arguments and insecurities before they even begin. Spend more time appreciating the other person than interrogating them. Give it your all, it’s the only way to get the most out of it.
Filed under: Tips for Life