My Abortion and What Happened Next

My Abortion and What Happened Next
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The Pro-Life vs Pro-Choice controversy may never end.  Because I’m a product of rape and very thankful my mom didn’t have an abortion, I consider myself a Pro-Choice Pro-Lifer. Women should have the option to do what they believe is BEST for THEM. Some people would argue that it should be the decision of both the man and the woman. However, more often than not, the woman is left with the sole responsibility of the child after birth. Many times she even bears the repercussions of an abortion alone. For these reasons I also believe women must do a better job making sound, RESPONSIBLE decisions from the very beginning.

I’m Pro-Choice because I know what it’s like to make a stupid decision and feel like that’s your only way out because I’ve been that woman. I too have been caught up in a fantasy only to be faced with an ugly reality that I can’t afford a baby and neither can he. What’s even more painful is when the man is willing to enjoy the sexual conquest but doesn’t want a baby.

When I had an abortion, it was a traumatizing life experience. I felt such shame sitting in the waiting room. That shame only increased when one of the nurses assisting the procedure happened to be a former classmate. I wondered what she was thinking about me. Was she disgusted? Did she think that I was pathetic or even evil? I remember having an ultrasound to determine how far along I was. I was 7 weeks; searching for a way out, I asked the doctor if my baby was a real baby. He assured me that IT was only a mass of tissue. Reluctantly I continued with the process.

I screamed as this powerful vacuum like machine exploded and literally sucked the life from me. Tears rolled down my face not just from the pain but because my heart was breaking. I still believe that I have three daughters because I killed my son. I cried the entire day. My heaviest bouts of tears came every time I thought I heard the voice of a young boy saying “Mommy why did you do it?” I literally thought I was losing my mind and I felt like the most evil person on the planet. I couldn’t understand why it was affecting me to this degree. I knew many women who had used abortion as a method of birth control. They seemed to be totally unbothered by abortion numbers 3, 4 or 5. What type of woman could continually take this emotional trauma but remain unfazed?

Years later I would be moved to tears again staring at an ultrasound monitor. This time it was a planned pregnancy. I was totally devastated when the doctor pointed out the beating of what would become my baby girl’s heart. I was only 6 weeks which is why I can also identify with Pro-Life advocates. I felt instant sadness and anger towards the doctor who had reduced the life growing inside of me years prior to a mere “mass of tissue”. It took a very long time for me to be at peace with that decision and not cry whenever I thought back. I’m still Pro-Choice but I encourage women to make intelligent informed decisions from the moment he says hello! Life in any form should never be taken lightly. #ALLlivesmatter

About Shemeka Michelle: "I was that chick. Gave it all up, all of it. I put all my eggs in one basket. Didn’t have a plan B ‘cause I believed in plan A. Then one day, all of it came to an end. All I could do was take it. I’m a survivor with 3 kids I HAD to make it! So instead of dying from pain and hiding in shame, I’ve decided to get NAKED." www.nakedgirlzblog.com
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