by Gina B.
I'm not sure if this is common knowledge among men, but women compare notes. Treacherously.
To be clear, most of us avoid providing sexual details about actual boyfriends. The unspoken rule of my circle is that if we're dating someone who has the potential to turn into a serious relationship, we don't speak in specifics. A friend might announce when she and her man have hooked up for the first time, or make occasional comments about frequency. We don't pry for greater details than she's willing to divulge. And if he’s her husband or serious boyfriend, we really don’t want to know, and it’s best that she doesn’t share. If he's hooking her up and she's happy, we're happy.
However . . . if it's a casual relationship, we're brutal. Especially if the sex is bad.
We talk in depth, and give colorful nicknames based on his idiosyncrasies. I can't remember the given names of a lot of friends' former “situations,” but I know exactly who "The Biter," "Little Big Horn," “The Sticky Wicket,” “Skids,” “Hot Breath,” “Ramrod” and "The Jackhammer" are.
You guys really do give us a lot of good material. Or not, in some cases. It’s all in good fun, right? in some cases, men get good reviews. In other cases, not so much. The trouble is that those nicknames can taint a man’s reputation for years to come . . . so to speak.
I recall a situation where a friend, “Jessica,” hooked up with a guy and, although he was a nice guy, his anatomy earned him a very descriptive and damning moniker: “Small Penis Man.”
Some years later Jessica met a new girlfriend, “Tanya.” They became fast friends and often got together for cocktails. One night Tanya asked if she could bring a friend - a man whom she’d met recently. She couldn’t decide if she liked him, but they had been hanging out a few times to determine their mutual interest. Jessica agreed. The more the merrier. But when Tanya showed up to the bar with her new friend in tow, Jessica recognized him immediately as someone from her past - Small Penis Man. There was an awkward greeting, and when he excused himself to the men’s room, Tanya asked Jessica how they knew each other and demanded the 4-1-1. Jessica agreed to give her the scoop later and the night progressed happily.
The next day Tanya called anxiously, and Jessica reluctantly divulged her situation with SPM, including the . . . insufficiencies. Although Tanya was beginning to like him, she stopped dating him based on what might (or might not) be going on south of the belt. Even if she had continued to see him, she would have felt odd that a friend had so much intimate knowledge about someone who she chose to date.
I relayed this entire story to another friend, who shook her head and said “Wow. That’s too bad, because bad sex to one woman might be exceptional sex to another.”
Fair point, but it was too late. Although Tanya enjoyed the company of SPM, she certainly wasn’t signing up for subpar sex. But who knows? He might have been just right for her. She’ll never find out.
So, I leave you with a few questions. Should Jessica have kept mum, or did she save Tanya for many nights of dissatisfaction? On the flipside, did that information ruin what could have been a good relationship? Should we be more careful about how we divulge information to friends, for their own sake? Has anyone given any nicknames that have come back to bite them? Let's discuss in the comments, or on our Facebook page.