Ladies Beware: Are You the Hot Chick or The Help?

Ladies Beware: Are You the Hot Chick or The Help?
Follow Zondra Hughes on Twitter @ZondraHughes

by Zondra Hughes

Think about the relationship you're in right now. How would you describe your role? Are you the hot chick--or the help?

Here's what I know: when you showcase your talents, someone will want to use them.  And some of us tend to showcase our talents early in the dating process, and this can backfire.

It's typical to want to impress the man that has caught your eye by showcasing your talents  outside of the bedroom.

For example, let's say that  you're a good cook. On the first date, you invite your future lover over for one of the most delicious home-cooked meals that he's ever tasted.  In response, he asks to come over more often, and in response to that, you showcase even more recipes, and so it goes.

Let's say that after a few months, the thrill is gone, the sex is infrequent, but he still makes  it to your house at dinner time for that home-cooked meal. Your relationship isn't going anywhere, but he's not going to  stop coming around because you are now the cook.  Your cooking talent--not your mind body or soul--is the glue that binds.

Now let's talk about me.  I wrote a few books so men accurately assume that I can type. And my skill has dampened my love life.

The last two guys I've dated had found a way to bypass the romance completely and instead, make me their secretary. Even today--after the dates have long ended--my phone rings at all times of the night, and on the other end, is a guy that has placed me squarely in the role of helper, or administrative assistant, or more precisely, unpaid intern.

I believe the helper is worse than the  friend, because the friend at least gets to hang out with the guy every now and then.  I don't get those invitations to hang out or to shoot the breeze. Instead, I get assignments. I get conference calls. I get text messages and emails  about assignments and conference calls.

Well, not anymore. Because I am  quitting their asses.  Just like that.

I'm reclaiming my date-ability by drawing a line in the sand between my professional and personal lives. Social media makes that damn hard to do, so I will go old school; no professional calls after 5 p.m., if a guy calls or texts after that time, it had better be about a date night or I'm hanging up.

And, I hate to say this, but I may have to dumb things down a bit, if I am to fall in love (or lust).

People won't ask you to do what they don't know you can do, so I will not permit any conversation about my typing skills!

Maybe then I can enjoy a night out with someone who genuinely wants to get to know me better.

Hugs to you!

Zondra

Zondra Hughes, CEO of the Six Brown Chicks, is an award-winning editor, Huffington-Post blogger, and co-author of "Ritz Harper Goes to Hollywood" with Wendy Williams, the final book in the NY Times bestselling Ritz Harper series. www.Zondrahughes.com @ZondraHughes
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