Three Ways to Cope When He Won't Love You Back

By Toya Nicole

From the moment we locked eyes I admit, I was lovestruck.

He had me before “Hello” BOOM! Perhaps it was the way his suit hung on his 6’6 frame, the smooth bass in his voice as he told me about his work or the eye contact he gave that almost melted me away. I can’t explain it but that day when he walked out of the room I sat with my heart racing and a feeling in my soul that this was the man I’d waited for my whole life. True story. My poor naïve heart had no idea what drama it would soon have to endure.

“I like you but I’m not ready for a relationship. We can hang out but don’t catch any feelings for me” These were the words he expressed with me once he saw we were getting close. Too late. He remained stuck on these words though his actions showed different. So I foolishly continued to fall head over heels and he allowed me. Some will call it lust and initially I believed it was too. But over those three years a friendship formed, intimate moments shared and memories were made. Lust quickly turned into love, at least for me.
What he really felt I may never know. He’s wasn’t one to talk about the dreaded F word, FEELINGS.

I used to overanalyze every detail of our “relationship” often thinking “Maybe I’m just crazy?” Love really can make you question your mental stability at times!

Sometimes the journey through love can be a painful and emotional one. Now that I’ve reach the end of this particular journey, here are lessons learned I’d offer to someone in a similar situation:


1. Stop the Chase – “Whatever you chase, will run further from you”. It’s a cliché but it’s truth. Chasing him and doing all I could to gain his affection at times pulled him further away from me. Release your pursuit and let love seek you. Love isn’t control, its freedom.


2. Check your Motives - Why do you think you NEED this persons love? Often times we chase people (and things) to fill voids in our life. There was a “daddy void” in my life so I relentlessly sought validation and affection in men. By any means necessary. This was dangerous and manipulative. I learned that the only “man” capable of filling that void and any other missing pieces in my life was God. Get in touch with your creator and allow him to make you WHOLE.

3. Remember your first love – YOU –. Someone’s rejection of your love is more a reflection of them and not you. When you know that you are not only loved by others but LOVEABLE it makes it easier to move on from someone incapable of loving you. Fall back in love with YOU because the path to true love begins with self-love.
If you find yourself in love with someone who won’t love you back. I would offer this: Don’t wait for them to open their eyes to see the love that you’re offering. Don’t wait for them to choose you. Know that YOU are already accepted, chosen and loved.

Toya Nicole, our Editorial Director of Travel & Leisure, is a savvy marketing and branding consultant whose personal mission is to inspire others to travel, embrace new experiences and live life to the fullest. Stay in touch with her as she blogs about travel, events and life lessons on her blog: Follow her on Twitter @MsTravelChic.

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