By Gina B.
I and most of my girlfriends have, at some point, received unsolicited pictures of male genitalia. Sending a junk pic is a ballsy move (pardon the pun), and the response will not be what you’re looking for.
So, guys? Seriously? Stop! I’ll tell you why:
Women are not visual creatures.
Yes, we appreciate your good looks and your efforts to increase your sex appeal. We like you in tuxedos, nice suits, or jeans that fit just right. There are few things better than a man in boxer briefs (especially if he has a six-pack). But remember that we enjoy a little bit of mystery. What we don’t care for are up-close-and-personal naked crotch shots. The featured junk usually pales in comparison to anything that we could ever imagine, and we’re typically unimpressed with your lack of manscaping. The photos don’t make us say “Ooh! I gots to get me some of that!” Instead, we wrinkle our noses in disgust and show our friends in titillating disbelief.
We question your thought processes and decision-making.
Whenever I’ve received such a photo, I found myself wondering what he must think of me? Obviously I was considered jump-off material, because who photographically dick-slaps a woman that he actually likes?
Then I was curious about the internal dialogue that caused him to make that decision. What was the thought that propelled him to remove his junk from its comfortable place, get it all riled up, photograph it, and send it to me? Through all of that, did he think, “She’s going to LOVE this?” Was there not one single moment of clarity during that entire process that he thought: “Wow . . . this might not get the reaction I’m hoping for”?
Also, it’s not unreasonable to think that you might have a collection of random pics of your junk that you liberally distribute. The only thing worse than receiving a random peenie pic is receiving a picture that’s been transmitted so many times that it’s registered as stock photography.
We will put your junk on blast.
Most of my friends absolutely cannot resist sharing your junk pics. We use no discretion, because obviously you’ve used no discretion. We will share with our friends, their friends, our relatives and even co-workers! Hell, if the strange woman sitting next to us on the bus appears even remotely interested, we will strike up a conversation, and show her the picture. Sometimes we’ll even share your name and occupation. Your junk pics are not safe with us.
You are immediately placed into a different category.
If we liked you before, you have lost points by dive-bombing us with your junk. If we hook up with you, it’s despite the fact that you sent the picture, not because of it. But sometimes we can’t get past it. Instead of thinking of you as a prospect that we might consider sleeping with, you’ve become a joke among our friends. We will craft great nicknames for you, like Boner, Mr. Vienna Sausage, Penis Man, Richard Picture (Dick Pic for short), Mayor Weiner, or simply, Dumbass.
If you happen to have pics of your junk on your phone, it’s always possible for them to end up on Twitter, Instagram, Facebook, or accidentally sent to your colleagues or your grandmother. If you don’t have a picture of your junk, you can’t mistakenly send one to the wrong person.
You are not setting yourself up for success.
I’m doing you a favor here.
On the off-chance that you find the rare woman who is excited by the portrait of your junk, know that you’re already disadvantaged by technology. Everything appears to be tiny on a 2”x4” screen, and chances are she won’t access the picture on her 55” Smart TV. If you’re interested in highlighting the mammoth size of your member, perhaps include an item for perspective, like a Coke can or a tube of lip balm. Make sure that you tidy up the package before photographing. Even if she likes what she sees, she doesn’t want to know that she’ll need to use a weed-whacker to access it.
Ladies . . . we want to hear your stories! Have you ever received an unsolicited junk pic? If so, what was your reaction? Continue the dialogue on our Facebook page.