By A Comeaux
I know a few good wives who have felt the sting of adultery; and I know a few bad husbands who have risked it all for a fling. The wives ask the same questions time and again, so I've asked the mistresses and bad husbands to offer clarity on the situation.
I’d like to share a few things I’ve learned and maybe it’ll give insight about, ‘what’s she’s doing that you’re not.’ That’s the first problem: It’s not what the other woman is doing that you’re not, it’s what he’s doing with her, for her, and to her.
*sidebar, Please stop wondering what she looks like, how she wears her hair and what social status she holds. The truth is, oftentimes, she’s nothing like you and this isn’t a coincidence; she's different.
5. A married man has a set list of responsibilities and duties he’s expected to perform at home. But to his other woman, these are the very things they affectionately evade. At her house, which is typically devoid of chores and to-do lists, he creates a space of freedom and comfort. He saves the day by merely showing up with wine and a few hours to spare. No trash to take out and no gutters to clean. He shows his romantic side; he shows her he’s capable of being considerate and attentive. If only for a moment.
4. Married men have complained that they’re ‘nagged’ far too often. Listen: they hear everything when someone yells at them. The sad part is, they use these tips elsewhere. They are superb daters due to this! He’s paying attention to detail, new haircuts and perfumes (even sponsoring them without blinking) and date-night with the other woman. The fancy restaurants and movie nights (date nights that they’re scolded for not doing often enough with the wife) oh it’s being done, just not at home. Pulling out chairs, ‘just because’ gifts and sweet evenings are all things they’re asked for, bashed for, but show anywhere but home. It hurts, but it happens.
3. The friend some of us seek in our partners, can sometimes show up in the most unlikely of places… a married man knows how to listen, knows how to give sound advice and even be sincerely supportive. He’s already groomed into being a backbone so ‘being there’ for you is second nature. He wants to feel needed and heard. When he gets this from a woman, it’s the sweetest and scariest thing at once! He wants to be a friend and in turn, he wants a friend to listen to him without judgment. His hobbies, things he enjoys outside of work and home, are important to him. Sharing these things intensifies the attraction and seals the bond…
2. Finding a lover in a forbidden place almost automatically makes the encounter steamier! Just the thought of the taboo makes each kiss sweeter and every hug more savored. He wants to be ‘liked’ and giving him that added attention despite the residue of marital strain (that he hides behind) and he adores the great escape. He’ll make a splendid lover because he can be charming, flirtatious and lighthearted.
1. The main reason married men make the best lovers is because you can send them back home when you’re done. Just like the childless women who love kids make awesome babysitters because they do all the fun stuff, have all the snacks and all the patience in the world, these lovers simply enjoy themselves so much because there’s no responsibility or to-do list for tomorrow.
Now this wasn’t an ode to mistresses who’ve taken a liking and licking to your better half. This was my way of opening your eyes and offering answers (or closure) on a touchy situation.
So don’t shoot the messenger.
A Comeaux is the writer, speaker and actor who poetically paints pictures of life and love with a paradoxical perspective. Follow her on Twitter @KCOSpoke
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