I Don't Have Kids and I Don't Feel Bad About It

An Open Letter To:

Women Who Attempt to Make Other Women Feel Bad About Not Having Children

By Camille LaRay

Your kids are your world. They are Beautiful, make you feel full of purpose and give your life a greater meaning. I truly believe you believe that. But YOUR truth isn’t THE truth.

I’ve always found it disheartening that women (especially Black women) seem to look down on women over 30 who aren’t mothers. Not to mention, most (if not all) of these women are single or not with the man they had these amazing children with; hell, in a lot of cases, they can’t stand their baby-daddies, live check to check, have NOTHING in place to secure the financial stability of their children should they die or become disabled tomorrow, and are the most emotionally unstable, insecure creatures on the planet.

“So let me get this straight… forget the fact that I don’t have a man (like you), and I’m not financially stable (like you), or emotionally stable (like you), or successfully sound in my career (also like you)… I should toss all that to the side to selfishly fulfill some type of NEED to be a mom because I need something to love me unconditionally or something to be proud about. THAT would make the world a better place right?

And even though I will suffer the first few years of my “Blessing’s” life with not being able to adequately provide them with what they need PLUS what they deserve, while simultaneously inflicting emotional scars on them (that I won’t realize until they are teens or adults and following my own poor choices) by allowing them to see the discourse between me and their father(s) or seeing me broken and struggling, I should set all that aside to be able to walk around patting myself on the back about how good and strong I am, because I’m a mommy?”

That was my retort to the last woman that came at me with the, “you’re almost 35 and you ain’t had no babies yet,” mess. These are the same women that will start feeling like they never had the opportunity to chase their dreams, and subsequently stop parenting when their children become teens to “do something for myself for once,” adding to the out-of-control population of tweens/teens who are raising themselves.

Ultimately, it is we women who are selfless enough that (even though we desire a family just as much as you do), wait and (and perhaps risk) childbirth not coming into fruition rather than placing a burden on our unborn child (ren) with our superfluous BS and the chaos of this world. It is women like us that consistently spend our time contributing to the workforce (since age 14) and contribute to make government assistance programs possible. It is women like us who are not contributing more scarred beings to this already overpopulated, under-unified world.

So the next time you meet a woman over 30 that CHOSE not to be a baby-mama, instead of looking down on her perhaps you should THANK HER.

You’re Welcome.

Camille LaRay is a writer, editor and production artist with a passion for translating the deeper elements of life into enjoyable, memorable reading and viewing experiences.  Follow Camille LaRay on Twitter @LolaLaRay

The blogger's opinions in this fine blog are her own and may not reflect the official position of The Six Brown Chicks or ChicagoNow.

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