Don't Play the Shame Game

By Kym B.

I need help. Do you?

Sometimes we need a team of people to help attack challenges in our lives; yet few of us take advantage of our support network.

We would rather suffer in silence than reach out for help.  Why is it okay to accept help when children are involved, as we acknowledge in the saying, “it takes a village,” but when it comes to our own individual needs, the village members don’t talk to each other and only the mayor of the city resides. 

We hide and perpetrate a fraud that everything is okay because we don’t want others in our business or to know what we are going through; as if bad times only happen to us. 

My grandmother used to say, “If you live long enough you will go through something,” and as an adult I fully understand that now. 

In my life I have gone through, sat next to, and lived with “something.” 

At times the something hovered over me!  And I too, walked around as if everything was ok “faking it until I made it,” so to speak. 

It was only until my second mini-stroke did I realize that the stress of holding it in was not healthy.  Some advised me to “give it to God,” but how does your spiritual guidance assist when pride, hurt and shame suppress the need?  

The mere thought of surrendering to others and exposing oneself or the anxiety and embarrassment of the consequences that may happen when others find out, can be overwhelming. 

So we continue to walk around with the façade of being fine. 

Enough is enough! 

End the pity party and tear down the balloons.  Last call…that party is over.  A release must happen. 

Speak your pain aloud, than slowly begin to tell those closest to you, those who you trust and will be of positive assistance.  

The breakthrough, help, or aid may not come immediately, but at least you’ll be happy through the process.  You can’t always do it alone!  You don’t have to tell everybody - but tell somebody!  You will never see the breakthrough, if you are worn down, sick or depressed.  Haven’t you noticed after a heavy torrential downpour from a summer rain, the brightest sun appears and overwhelms the sky; as if the storm never happened? 

This is true not only in meteorology but also in life. If we always gave up every time it stormed we would never experience the beauty produced from the rain; the flowers of our existence.

So hold on to each other.  Gather your own personal team, reveal and make known the downpour that you have been experiencing.  And, then sit back and watch the sunrise, because, it’s going to be a brighter day!

Kym Butler is an International Policy Analyst for the US Department of State and she owns a clothing design boutique with her daughter. Follow her on Twitter @AlwaysRich777

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