Oh No She Didn't! 12 Summer Styles Men Hate

Adam’s Ribs: Summer Etiquette Tips

By Celeste T. Parker

Ahhh Summer.  In like a tortoise, out like a hare; I do believe we are finally free of freezing temps. 

Buckingham Fountain, Blues and Gospel Music Festivals, Navy Pier Fireworks, Chosen Few House Picnic, Taste of Chicago, Movies in the Park, Ravinia, Venetian Night-- summertime Chi means different things to different residents.  Yet the city of big shoulders unanimously heaves a huge sigh of relief as it discards its jackets and scarves.  Before we do, however, there’s something I must also get off my chest, a “bone” to pick if you will. 

Ladies I beseech you.  If we are Adam’s ribs (and not just some piece of meat), may I suggest the following twelve BBQ (Barbie Cute) tips  in our quest to attract that summer love, potentially become his year round boo, or simply look fabulous for ourselves?

     1. Although we may retire for the evening looking like a cross between Tupac Shakur and Sylvia, the Queen of  Soul Food—bandanas (rags, scarves, etc.) and bonnets are not to be worn outside.

2. Embassador of ethnic beauty, Rachel Odom (www.RachelOBeaty.com), can shed more light on the dark side of too much liquid foundation and too little SPF than I can, but I do know that my “T”-zone is often “capitalized” during summer months.  Freshen your face often (clean, moisturize and powder) to prevent looking like Harold’s next chick in the frying pan.

3. Moving right along the anatomy, can we have real talk ladies?  As you enter a room, if your “girls” had a theme song, it should be the smooth, mellow sounds of “Summer Breeze” by the Isley Brothers, not “It’s Time for the Percolator” (by Cajmere). Ya’ll know what I’m talkin’ about.  Get those bra cups fitted properly.  

4. To everything there is a season.  For undergarments (e.g. flesh tones, strapless, etc.) there is a reason.    

5. Sleeveless plus swimming equals shaving.

6. Children are to be seen and not heard.  Baby powder is to be sprinkled, not seen.

7. Fifty Shades of Grey is a book trilogy, not a skin palette.  Bath & Body Works, Carol’s Daughter, Vaseline—pick you pleasure.  Ashy is not the new sexy.  (Single Girl Summer by Deanna Kimberly Burrell is an even hotter beach read).

8. Not all leggings are created equal.  Longer tops may be necessary, and tuck-ins are prohibited. 

9. Make sure your summer whites, are white.

10. The season for harvesting corn is fall; therefore precautions must be taken when peeling shoes off of one’s feet and exposing them to the summer solstice.  Toes divided by flip flops, equals a pedicure.  If your big toes resemble hitchhikers or your pinky toes look like they’re giving the “hang loose” sign, choose footwear accordingly.  There is a surplus of sandals to select from that camouflage such imperfections. 

11. Know your limits.  If Grey Goose makes you a loose chick, drink responsibly.

12. Final food for thought-- please reconsider referring to a certain type of tank top by the same name as married males who commit domestic violence.  Abuse of ourselves or our sisters is never in style.  We were made from his rib, because we’re close to His heart ;). 

Happy Summer!

Celeste

Etiquette Correspondent Celeste Parker is an educator and author of 'Pigs Don't Wear Pearls' Bedtime Stories That Awaken Your Child to the Gem That Lies Within. Follow Celeste on Twitter @PigsDWPearls.

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